Kelly's Creative Corner

Forward.

2012-01-23T20:31:00.003-06:00

I haven't been updating my blog much. I think I've hit critical mass on all my social media sites where I've friended/followed/connected with so many people I can no longer SAY anything. Random thoughts are often misinterpreted...or get shared beyond my sharing intentions. Or maybe I have a bout of passive aggressiveness and want to vent ... but even that seems too "risky."

So many things to say in these last months. But alas, the people who think rationally advise against it. So many things misinterpreted, misreported, and misrepresented. And I'm left to be Miss Silent.

And now, it's really best to forge ahead. It's not a decision I'm making now. That decision was made awhile back. I just have to keep on track. Forward is the mantra. Forward. I like what's ahead, though I often can't see it ... and sometimes fear it. Maybe that's the thrill. Taking that big giant leap ... and not knowing how you'll land or what you'll experience on the way down. Or up. Up - ahead -forward.

And deciding against insecurity. I could worry about this thing and that thing and this decision and that decision ... but I've come to the point where I'm just not going to be insecure. What happens happens and I will deal. That's a freeing feeling. (What took so long??)

I'm still guilty of glancing back every now and then. This comment or that comment grabs me by the shoulder and pulls me into the shadow of the past...where I stomp around like a child. But it never spins me entirely around. Soon, I hope to be able to shake off all those shoulder grabs and continue forging forward. Very soon.

And what's frustrating is having folks read and ask - WHAT. IS. GOING. ON. Ask me privately.
I'll tell you all publically I have no regrets. I did something for ME.

For ME.

I'm going through an incredible experience with MANY blessings. It's actually been the best sequence of crazy - and I'm going to be a better "lots of things" for having lived it.

And maybe some day ... far down the road ... I'll blog about it.
Or write a book.
Chapter One: Forward.

Life in the Cube

2011-11-29T11:59:00.003-06:00

I have never worked in a cubicle ever in my life. It's a completely new and different lifestyle. There are many things you have to get used to in this habitat.

First, I'm wondering how long it will be before it doesn't scare me every time someone walks up to talk with me. This area is SO. QUIET. I've worked in a newsroom...people yell to communicate. There are 21-hundred scanners and various other forms of technology blaring in the background. Here, I can hear my stomach growl. And I'm pretty sure everyone else can too.

There's no such thing as a private conversation on your phone. I learned this when one of my co-cube peeps started giggling when I told my husband I didn't care about the "flinging-flanging" whatever it was.

And speaking of growling stomachs - I have absolutely no concept of time in the cube. In news, every little thing is on a timeline. X has to be done by Y time. The entire day is based on the clock. Here I only know it's time to eat when A/my stomach embarrasses me or B/the guy next to me begins his daily, "How does The Mixx sound? Anyone in?"

Cubicles also have cool cubicle things ... like a thingy that hangs over the wall and holds your coat. I don't have one. I attempted to steal one from someone who appears to have several...and in doing so jacked up a sign it was holding on the other side. I tip-toed away, hoping no one would notice. I still covet everyone's coat hanger thingies.

Something else I've learned. It is not at all weird to talk to co-workers THROUGH the wall. However, if you think someone is talking to you, wait about 3-5 seconds before responding. I've learned the hard way. More often than not, they are on the phone. I've had long conversations with people ... who were never talking to me in the first place. And what's worse, my cube mates know it. I hear them whisper "rookie" under their breath. We laugh about it together. Yet, I still keep doing it.

I bet folks who've always worked in the "cube" don't even realize there's a culture about it. And these folks over here in sales have made me feel welcome, even when they're laughing at me. It's pretty cool. Post if you think of any other "quirks of the cube" I haven't mentioned ... or if you have some in your work space people would find funny.

Loving A Caterpillar

2011-11-06T10:43:00.008-06:00

I wanted to share the story of "Nick & his Caterpillar." I want to have it written down to save...and why not share it at the same time?

Nick is an animal/nature lover. He's gone from wanting to be a vet to a marine biologist to a "diver." He's got the kindest heart and just loves living things. He cracks me up -- we were in the middle of the woods on Thanksgiving - it was beautiful with the leaves changing and the silence of no-technology ... and he and I took a walk together. As we headed back, I said "Wasn't that a great walk?" And he said, "Yeah, but I didn't see any nature." Me, "Uh, Nick - this IS nature. What do you mean?" He says, "But there weren't any creatures." Ah, apparently you need some creatures to really experience nature. I digress.

So, in late summer Nick found a pretty impressive green caterpillar. One of the great kids in our neighborhood even gave him an old plastic aquarium type thing - perfect for housing a caterpillar. Nick lovingly filled it with rocks, dirt, leaves and twigs. He and his little friends also fed this caterpillar small tomatoes. And it was cool to be able to watch it eat these things and seem to thrive in it's little caterpillar home.

Nick even took the caterpillar to school and was the star of the class showing it off and talking about it. And he likes to learn about the things he's interested in. So, we sat down to Google this caterpillar and discovered it was some sort of horned tomato caterpillar (I've forgotten the real name.) He thought it was so cool that I found pictures that looked exactly like what he had. Then I got the brilliant idea to look up what this caterpillar would turn into. I found the picture of a giant and pretty moth. And told Nick - "look, this caterpillar will be a moth!" I was surprised to see his eyebrows get splotchy and red (his tell-tale sign of embarrassment or hurt feelings) and tears start to fall.

Me, "What what? Why are you crying?"
Him, "I wanted my caterpillar to turn into a BUTTERFLY. Not a moth."
Now my head is spinning.
Me, "But, but - did you see the picture? This isn't any ordinary moth!" (I'm talking real fast now.) "Look at it - it's like a butterfly. Yeah, moths are just a TYPE of butterfly. Look, it has big giant wings and it's really pretty. This is cool - it's a COOL moth. I think your caterpillar would be sad that you didn't like what it turned into. It's still neat. Don't you think it's neat?"
Silence.
Holding my breath.
Him, "Yeah."
Me, "Yeah?"
Him, "Can I go tell my friends that it's going to be a giant moth?"
Me, breathing out - "Yes."

And so it went. Him bringing the caterpillar in. Me taking it off the kitchen table. Him bringing the caterpillar in. Me checking to see if it was still in there. Him getting into school and friends and forgetting about the caterpillar. Me asking him if he'd put in new leaves, then sticking it out on the deck so it wasn't in my house.

Then one day I hadn't seen it in awhile and asked Ryan how it was doing. Ryan made a face and told me it had died. I asked him if Nick knew. Nope.

Another couple of days had passed, then I saw Nick coming up the stairs, carrying the caterpillar home, and crying. Ryan and I exchanged looks. Here we go.

Me, "What's the matter?"
Him, "I can't find my caterpillar." (Ryan had told me it had shriveled up real small.)
My heart starts to break, but I know we've got to do this.
Me, "Really, ok - let's take it out on the deck and look." (I needed some time to think.)

As we dig through it, he's sniffling, but doing ok. I tell him, "Nick, something to think about. There's a chance maybe the caterpillar has died." He says, "But why?" I tell him, it's really hard to take care of something that belongs in nature. I'm still digging through the stuff - not finding the thing. Then, in an act of desperation I try a new tactic.

Me, "Nick, maybe it already turned into a moth and flew away?"
Nick, "It couldn't get out."
Me, "But maybe it did. Like one of the times you opened the lid."
Nick, "I would have seen it. It didn't."
Me, "Are you sure? Maybe it got through one of those holes, or flew out when you weren't looking."
Nick, "I don't think so."
So much for that.

Then I find it. Small, shriveled up caterpillar.
Me, "Oh Nick. I'm sorry. Here it is. I'm sorry buddy, I think it died."
Nick, "Oh no. No no no."
I wrap him up in my arms.

Me, "Nick, I'm sorry. I know this hurts really bad. It's really hard to take care of something that belongs in nature. I'm sorry buddy."
Nick, "But I really wanted to see it turn into a moth, and now I won't see it."

I just hold him for awhile as he cries and pat him on the back and hate that moment, but know it's the right way to handle this. Kids have to know tough stuff too. I look up and see Ryan snapping a picture through the window. We must be quite a sight. The two of us. Hugging over a caterpillar. Yeah, I'm wiping tears too.

Then I ask him, "Nick, what would you like to do with the caterpillar? Do you want to bury it?"
Nick, "Yes. I know where."
Me, "Ok. We can do it together."

He takes me under the deck, where there's already a hole in the ground - and one of my gardening shovel thingies. Of course I'm wondering what this is about - but remember the task at hand.

Me, "Do you want me to do it, or do you want to do it?"
Nick, "You do it."

So I take the caterpillar and put it in the pre-dug hole and put some dirt on top. I ask him if he wants to say anything. He gives me a weird look and says no. (I was winging it here. I've never done the passing of beloved creature thing with a kid before.)

He then tells me, "Momma, I don't want to tell my friends. I don't really want to talk about it."
I tell him ok. We go up for dinner, his eyebrows still pretty red. I am able to cut off his older brothers with THE LOOK. And we manage to keep him distracted, but I can tell he's still pretty bummed.

Maybe a week later, I remembered the magic of You Tube. I looked up "caterpillar turning into butterfly." I was able to show Nick time lapse videos of various caterpillars making their cocoons and then coming out of them and turning into various moths and caterpillars. He thought that was pretty cool. Sure, he'd still like to have a cocoon of his own to watch. And yes, I've been inspecting trees to see if I can find one. But this way, I don't have "nature" doing its thing on my kitchen table.

And I totally get what he was looking forward to. I'm doing it too - -watching my little caterpillars grow and change. And amaze me. Kids are pretty cool. I'm going to enjoy them now, because soon they too will break out of the safety of our home cocoon, and fly away into the big big world. And I'll be proud - moth or butterfly. Both are pretty darn cool.

To Toss or Not to Toss. I can't handle the Question.

2011-10-12T15:15:00.006-05:00

Yeah, I haven't been here in awhile. This "place" needs some cleaning up ... old links...old pics...it needs some general house cleaning. Which seems appropriate because I am in "out with the old" mode - big time.

I had taken this week off - hoping to clean out the garage and downstairs area and get it organized. Also to tackle a growing "To Do" list, and generally get it together. The house has been horribly neglected, because I've just not been able to deal with it. It's still standing. Barely.

So back to "out with the old." The garage severely needed cleaning out. It's condition - combined with how I overturned the basement recently - then left it - could make me a contender for Hoarder of the Year. We recently had a raccoon - and IT couldn't even stand it, and left.

So, I begin. First I mostly stand in the middle with my hands on my hips and take in my overwhelming surroundings. And then just force myself to get to it. There's a pile of clothes...from late high school/early college. I sort through them and remember which event of significance I wore each thing to.

I wore this anchoring at KOMU and put the clip mic just so to cover an ink mark.
I wore this to one of my first dates w/Ryan - where his mom was there too, and I fidgeted because it felt too low cut.
This is the pink jacket I wore and completely ROCKED a liveshot - only to later have the consultant tell me I shouldn't wear that color pink, and not even comment on how much the liveshot rocked. It was a LONG time before I liked any consultants again.
And I wore this to my friend's visitation...and this to her funeral.
Keep. Keep. Keep. And Keep.

I moved on. I organized big yellow bags of "to donate" items. Yes! There are four or five of these filled. That is progress. No regrets. They can go. I better tie the tops of them in knots so they can go, and I don't have second thoughts.

Knots tied, I move on. Ah, kids' books. I shall keep the "Pat the Bunny" book we read the boys as babies that's barely holding together. I shall keep the "Good Night Moon" book that Ryan and I could recite line by line probably still to this day. I shall keep the chewed on, beat up "Wocket in my Pocket" .. because it makes me think of giggling. Donate, donate, donate .... keep keep keep, including the two "Jack in the Beanstalk" books ... not because they're special, but because I have a son named Jack. They may seem odd. But that doesn't scrape the surface of odd.

I look over at the milk crates full of files. I know in those files are high school papers...including stuff like information about Mythology. I loved Mythology. And now could probably Google all the stuff I saved. And I've never had a Mythology emergency where I needed to go to that file and save the day. Yet, I'm still wavering on the "keep" or "toss." I skip the milk crate, for now.

Then I look over at the 3 stacked boxes of beta TV tapes (the big kind), 3/4 inch tapes, and yes, even some reel-to-reel things..and probably even some carts from my radio days. 3 boxes. I think about the closet under the stairs and remember, there are a couple more boxes there. I believe one box is full of coverage tapes from my coverage of "The Death of Lady Diana" alone. I'm not even sure a 3/4 inch dub station exists anywhere so I could dub stuff down. But let's be real, even if I dubbed it down ... I'd probably want to keep the originals for "just in case", right?
I skip the boxes of tapes.

I look over at an old toy box. Inside is one of the things Ryan always brings up when making fun of my propensity for saving things. Past the old Barbie dolls, cheerleading pictures and crushed pom poms you'll find a cigar box. Inside the cigar box you'll find a contraption that you won't recognize. It looks like a torture device for mice. What it actually is, is a cast type device made for my left index finger. I crushed my knuckle playing softball my sophomore year in high school. The doctor called it "potato chips." I took care of all the "never-hads" in one swoop: first surgery, broken bone, stitches and pin in my body. The doctor said I'd probably never have the same mobility in my finger again.

He said I'd never have the same mobility in my finger again. Yes, I just repeated myself. See, I keep everything for a reason. There's an image, a feeling, a reminder with each item I just. can. not. throw away. And this finger contraption thing - it's one of them. Here's how it worked: I had to super glue a hook to my index finger nail ... (from a hook/eye set) and then put this thing over my finger and hook a rubber band to the contraption and also to the finger nail hook. The contraption helped pull my finger to stretch it and work it so I'd have 'some' mobility after the surgery. But remember, this doctor told me I couldn't do it. He told me "I'd never." And I've never taken to being told "no" or "never" or "you can't do it" well.

So I proved him wrong. I used that contraption, and did all the PAINFUL stretching and pulling and pushing and hurting. And to this day, I have FULL mobility in my finger - and I'm a lefty, so it's important! And I impressed him so much, he took pictures of my "fully mobile" finger and was published. I was his star patient.

So to you, and my husband, this thing is a weird, and kinda gross, contraption that probably should have been thrown away a long time ago.

But to me: It's a symbol of ME.
A reminder right when I needed it.
Keep.

Dear Children: Yes, we want you to Lie.

2011-03-22T09:46:00.012-05:00

Sometimes I really think I am cast in a sitcom .. a la The Truman Show. What happened Tuesday just re-inforces that. If we're not in a sitcom, we should be.

So, I made this cake (pictured). It was kind of a big deal because we had JUST gotten back from being away for a week, I had to clean the house and throw a big fancy bridal shower...and then do this cake. All while still dealing with this pain thing. (No, I did not pull off this feat alone - my super hero helped me out by doing all the food for the shower. Yep, see post below) I digress.

Anyway, so the school has this cake auction thing where you are supposed to make a cake or cookie that represents a favorite book. The cake is then displayed in the library and the kids vote on their fave w/pennies. Then later that night there's a PTA thing and the cakes go on silent auction.

I really needed to do the cake thing this year, because last year there was this misunderstanding that Jack really wanted me to do a cake, but I didn't think he did, and blah blah blah, kid let down, I promised I'd do a cake this year.

And I thought I had a great idea. I'd make a Chicka-Chicka Boom Boom cake - complete with alphabet falling out of the tree with those hard sugar alphabets you can buy for cakes.

So, I baked Sunday after the shower. Monday morning I decorated. I defied gravity by making a 3D coconut tree. I wasn't in love with how it turned out, but I still liked the concept, and I had done a flinging-flanging cake and the kids could have one and not nag me. Great. We're good. Right? Wrong.

Don't judge me. Seriously, stop right here if you might even think about judging me.
Steal yourself. Ready? Ok...rest of the story:

So, it's Tuesday morning, morning of the "turn the cake in to the library." I'm asleep. Ryan wakes me up with his face right in my face (makes my heart leap - step back for pete's sake!) And he says "There's a problem with the cake." I think, and say, "Oh did the tree fall apart?"
He says, "No. Ants." Huh?

Yes, I had sprinkled the cake with glittery white sugar to help make the "sand" on which the tree would stand. And it brought out ants overnight. Not a million zillion. But enough.

Me: "Did they get on the cake?"
Ryan: "A few. I think I got them all."
Me: "Did the kids see?"
Ryan: "Nick was the one who told me."

Crap. I inspect the cake, and yes there are a few still acting out the "A told B and B told C I'll meet you at the top of the coconut tree." Some are under the cake. I'm doing all I can to get rid of all ant evidence. Because, oh yes, this cake is still going to school. Yes. It IS.

Me: "Let's re-wrap this. It's going."
Ryan: "But the kids will talk."
Me: "We'll talk to them. Help me wrap it. Oh, get that ant right there..."

So we re-wrap the cake. I explain to Ryan that no one is going to want to buy my weird looking coconut tree cake, he's going to be there and can bid on it and we'll buy it. No one is going to buy it. Really - I assume everyone buys their own cake. Seriously. Go with it.

So as I'm getting dressed. Ryan talks to the kids. There's no reason to mention ants. They didn't get on the cake. (Lie.) It will make the cake weird to talk about the ants. (No, really?) So don't talk about the ants. Everyone seems on board.
Then there's Nick.

Nick: "But daddy, what if one of the teachers sees one of the ants?"
Ryan: "They won't. The ants are all gone."
Nick: "But what if they see this one?"
Ryan smashes an ant coming from the cake.

Later I reinforce with Nick...
Me: "We're not talking about the ants, right?"
Nick: "Right."
Me: "Ok, good."
Nick: "I will just say it's a rolling piece of chocolate."

So yes. I DID take the ant cake to school. And I chose not to post about it until after the auction, just in case word gets out -- "Hey, the Gerdings sent a cake w/ants to school! Avoid it at all costs. Freaks. Who would DO that?"

Of course, now I'm sitting here thinking, what if there were still ants, and they attack the other cakes? Like, the big huge "Old MacDonald" barn cake that was like 3 stories high with graham crackers for a roof, complete with a bazillion cupcakes made into animals ... or the huge "Diary of a Wimpy" kid cake with 3D books stacked a foot high. Or the other TWO Chicka Chicka Boom Boom cakes? Honestly, now I'm not feeling that bad about it. Go ahead, judge me. You gotta do what you gotta do.

The kids got their cake, but hell no, they won't eat it too!

Rock Star Super Hero.

2011-03-22T09:02:00.003-05:00

So, those of you who know us, know that Ryan is a boy scout. He's the one "everyone likes" out of the two of us. Me: people tolerate, him: they enjoy.

When we worked together at a TV station, people begged to have Ryan in their shows, not just because he did good stories with great liveshots - but because he's just great to work with. It was sick all the falling all over him. But it's not just that. He's just ... everything.

I enter into evidence his day this past Saturday. It really is a snapshot of what he does everyday.

First, he found some gloves in the parking lot at the soccer complex and turned them into lost and found...where someone promptly picked them up. Doesn't sound like a big deal? Ok, how about this ... he later found a driver's license at that same complex. And he drove to the home listed on the license to give it to the owner. The person at the door was sooooo thankful, and had just been hoping some nice person would turn it in. Keep reading.

Later he was at HyVee (grocery store) and saw a woman pushing a cart and attempting to drag a huge bag of dog food through the aisles. He stopped her and asked if he could help put the bag in her cart ... to which she replied, "Oh thank you so much!" And as he was putting putting that bag into the cart .... he hears someone say, "What are you, a super hero?" It was the lady whose driver's license he had just returned...witnessing him in action in again.

He of course just laughed and made jokes about how his super powers were mundane, because "as you can see, I'll never be faster than a locomotive."

But I shook my head. Sure, those are small things, but they are part of the big picture of what this man does for us. He's the cook. He's the night-time kid keeper. He's the homework checker. He's the coach. He's the person I lean on when I don't feel like being the one with the balls. Sure, he puts kids' clothes away in the wrong drawers and forgets things on his to-do list, but please, in the grand scheme of things - what a freaking rock star.

My rock star. My super hero.
------
Tune in tomorrow for "Ants + Cake = Telling the Kids to Lie"
It's a must read...and there's a reason I can't post it today!

Here's Some Numbers for Ya': 1 in 100,000

2011-03-08T20:51:00.003-06:00

So, I have a name for the pain I've been experiencing...
"Brachial Neuritis/Brachialplexopathy." A simpler term: "Parsonage-Turner Syndrome."

Check out how rare this is:
In the U.S...cases are 1 in 100,000.
The doctor was even kind of excited to get to diagnose it - he had JUST talked about it at a medical conference where they were working on a board certification test - and they were going to put this diagnosis on the test because it's a tough one.
Lucky me!

Basically, when I got really sick 2 weekends ago - I never completely kicked it. My immune system attacked my nerves. (There's some joke about something getting on my very last nerve, but I haven't figured out how to make it go.)

And because it was my nerves getting attacked - nothing worked. Pain meds don't work on angry nerve endings. So, that explains why after 3 powerful medications in the hospital, I was still feeling it. The doctor told me morphine would not have even helped! (I wouldn't have minded trying though.)

So. That's good. It has a name. But what's a bit of a let down is the treatment:
Nothing.
Nada.
Zero.
Zip.

Yep. The doctor says it usually resolves itself after a couple of weeks. (I'm on 2 weeks 1 day now.) I'm not at the intense pain I was in - so hopefully that's a good sign things are indeed "resolving themselves." I do have to go back in 2-3 weeks, and if I still have pain, they'll so some sort of nerve therapy thing where they stick me with needles. Oh goody!

I was hoping for: It's X and we'll treat it with Y. Well, I got the X part. But no Y. I can continue to take pain meds to take the edge off for as long as I need - he even promised to keep my prescription going as long as I need it.

So there you have it. "Hang in there! Tough it out!"
Well, I'll tell you what, I am SOOOOO taking one of those pain pills tonight by golly!

Then I'll go to work tomorrow (fingers crossed). And I'll go to work Thursday (gritting through it!) And Friday, we'll hit the road and I will begin beach therapy.

That's right. That's going to be my "Y". Our spring break trip. To the beach. "Y" not?
Time to recover with my toes in the water, ass in sand...and hopefully a zero pain status.
I wonder how angry nerve endings feel about alcohol?

Thanks everyone for checking in. You rock.

5. Today's the Day.

2011-03-08T12:05:00.002-06:00

I will be going into the doctor at an uncomfortable and drug-free 5.
I also have a new thing: needles in my face. Yep. How's that for pleasant?
It's like tingling on my cheeks - but not like "fallen asleep" tingling, it's like prickly needles. Fun.

You won't be surprised to know I have a "timeline" all typed up and ready to go. When they ask me questions about the whens and whats, I'll have them all laid out in a descriptive timeline. Seriously, this should not surprise you in the least. I will control something here, right?

Anyway, I'm upbeat and ready. If they tell me nothing, I'm ready for that too. I won't be happy, and I'll be ready to say "forget it" to whatever "next steps" there are. But I'm prepared for whatever comes.

So bring it.

2 be or not 2 be...awake.

2011-03-07T17:11:00.004-06:00

Today I was just plain tired. I pretty much slept the day away. I'm at a 2. That's pretty good. But in the back of my head, I'm actually thinking it's not. (No meds! Came really close to taking one last night, but made it!)

Here's why. The way things are going, I will go visit the doctor tomorrow, the pain will be gone, it will be a waste of time and all of this will have been for nothing. And that would be just stupid.
Stupid.

So, as crazy as it sounds, I'd really prefer to know what all that was about. To not have made a scary ER trip that scared the bejeezus out of my out-of-town-couldn't-get-back-husband. To not have sent my imagination spiraling so much I was afraid to sleep at night - afraid I might not wake up. Afraid that I would be like what you see on TV - the patient told to go home, only to have something horrible happen that someone overlooked. My imagination is waaaaay to over-active for this type of stuff. So, yeah, I want it to be something. Pinched nerve, heartburn, infection, a treatable-no-big-deal something with a name...because it just wouldn't be right to have gone through all of THAT...for nothing.

6. Deep 6-ing the Drugs.

2011-03-06T11:04:00.003-06:00

Today I am experimenting. I am at a 6. But I've decided no more drugs. No more. Ok, I say that now, but I mean unless I am at pain-that-makes-you-cry-8 I'm not doing the drugs.

Today I am doing "normal." We are going to Target. We are going to lunch. We are getting kid haircuts. I can not sit in bed or on a chair in a drugged state anymore. No more.

I want to see what I "really" am. I don't want to go to the doctor Tuesday and say "nothing hurts" because I'm numb from head to toe from these drugs. I want them out of my system so I can truly say - "here is what is going on now." I want to see what happens if I pick up the pace - closer to normal pace. I want to see what happens. I want honesty from my body.

Ryan and I have tickets to a concert tonight. I want to go. He's been hemming and hawing about it -- but I want to go. Concerts have chairs. I will be a chair sitter. I need the distraction and the happy-something-else. He's worried "someone will see me there" and think whatever. Don't care. I walked around with this pain this long, I can do it today. I'm doing it today.

6.

4....Time 4 Resting.

2011-03-05T14:03:00.002-06:00

In case you are wondering - today is a 4. Sometimes 5, but mostly 4. Woke up at a 7, but back down to 4. Not bad. Tired.

Happy after meeting with neighbors to talk about Spring Break trip. (Um, I'm not even CONSIDERING that this is going to mess up our trip - so don't bring it up.) We had a nice evening last night - you might call it a practice "evening" for the dads...us moms were being responsible. Well, I sorta had to. But anyway, our families laughing together, making lists and hearing about the beach and doing nothing really lifted my spirits. Great distraction. I have something to look forward to that sort of jumps over this other thing. That is good.

I will focus on the good. Like, how many times have I asked God; "Hey, could I just have a couple days to sleep? Just sleep." Well, he gave them to me. The idea when I prayed it was that the rest of the world would just stop so I didn't miss anything or get behind, but I better take what I can get, right?

I'm trying really hard to rest. But it is so not my nature. I think, I can go do laundry, I can pick up this or that - I think - this "free time" is wasting; I need to DO something constructive with it. But Ryan intervenes. I'm trying to learn to let it go. Drugs help. ( :

Letting it go today. Letting it go.

Numb3rs: Crazy 8s

2011-03-04T17:30:00.016-06:00

(note: long and rambling - this is more a "something for me to do"with myself when I am coherant" than "something for you to read", sorry. And it was written in segments over time....because I have about 2 minutes of energy to give to anything.)

I'm not a fan of numbers. If you want to win an argument - just state your side in the form of a story problem, and I'm out.

So it only seems fitting that I'm dealing with a mysterious health problem that is constantly being measured in numbers. Temperature, oxygen percentage, and most often - the pain status. 10 is "gonna pass out" .. and I am constantly being asked, either by nurse, doctor or husband, "What's the number?"

I'm at the point now where the number is "F-you."
That's not very nice. But neither is this.
It has been a form of torture:

"You are to be in constant pain for more than a week. You are to have it keep you up all night, and finally decide to see a doctor. You think you're making a quick visit to the doctor to get some good drugs and will go home and that's that.

But instead - you are to be sent to the ER, do not pass go, do not collect $200, and told of many potentially frightening possibilities, none of which will be confirmed (and oh, by the way, we're doing this while your husband is out of town and you'll be alone during.) {In one bit of positive news, your father-in-law will show up after the scary stuff has happened and stand in and do a very good job. But still.}

You'll be treated like a heart patient, with everyone scurrying around you like "stat" - only to then see the obviously let down...and then less urgent realization, that nope, that's not it. You'll be X-Rayed - while sitting in your bed. Isn't that neat? Not really, because of constant hooking and unhooking of wires stuck all over your torso. You'll be poked and prodded and blood will be taken and saline will be given. One dude will poke and prod and say "I blew it." Which can be disconcerting - except that he means he blew your vein. Which you'll just roll your eyes at.
And in the beginning you'll be asked: What's your pain number? It's an 8. But let's put this into perspective. You have a high tolerance for pain. You've been walking around with this pain, probably at a 6 or 7 for more than a week. So your 8 is probably someone else's 9 or 10. You're tough - but have had enough. You're at an "I'm tired of this, I can't sit still, I want to get outside of my body 8." You're at a "please stick a huge needle in it, call it a heart attack, call it whatever, just call it something and fix it - 8." And you think, by telling them this, their first plan of action would be to give you something for that 8. Nope.

8 becomes a new number. It's a number that will now slow down the rest of your day. See, a couple years ago you brought in one of your sons to be treated when he fell in a playground, busted a lip, and knocked some teeth out. That son is now 8. And for some reason, the computers all want YOU to be this 8 year old boy. You gave them your social security number when you brought this boy in - which is normal. What is not normal is how completely jacked up the computer system gets when you're trying to administer treatment to a THIRTY-eight year old patient....that that computer wants to be eight.

So you wait. You hear more potential explanations: collapsed lung, pulmonary embolism, etc. You don't care what it is, you just want it to be called something. And you WANT. SOME. FLINGING. FLANGING. PAINKILLER. You wait. People ask you over and over what your date of birth is. Seriously? You can't tell by LOOKING at me that I am NOT AN 8 YEAR OLD BOY?!?!?!

Luckily for these people, you are in pain. You are in the presence of your father-in-law, so you will not completely flip your shit. You're thinking is that if you are the best, most polite, agreeable patient on the planet, they will go out of their way to help you. Oh, let's point out that you went to the doctor at 9am. It's now about noon and you're still praying the IV that the guy finally got jammed into your arm can be used for something useful. A doctor finally comes in. Your first thought is: this guy's a douche. That's not nice. But you know. He's pretty sure your problem is "muscular/skeletal" and pats you on the shoulder. You don't like to be "patted" when you are well. He tells you that he's going to have the nurse give you a drug that will take care of the pain. You are relieved. You wait. You go through the "I'm not an 8 year old boy" thing AGAIN when it comes time to get the drug. You are grateful for the pain in your hand as the nurse pushes this drug in, because it distracts you from your original pain. And it is the first hope for relief in 10 days.

Your experience getting pain meds dates back to having babies, and you know relief will be instant. It will be wonderful. And perhaps you'll be able to close your eyes - because, after all, you were up all night...and are just exhausted. 10 minutes goes by. You think you looked at the clock wrong. But after 45 minutes you are still an 8. A frustrated, uncomfortable, miserable, tired 8. But you are still being polite, and don't push the call nurse button. You won't push that button. You don't want to be one of "those" patients.

At some point Dr. Douche pops in to say he wants to do a CT scan to see things like my lungs, more clearly, and he pops out. It's becoming apparent that you are not going home as you had previously thought would happen after the muscle relaxer. After more waiting a nurse finally comes in and you've promised your husband over the phone you'll tell her you still hurt. You know you better because he is threatening to call in or make father-in-law act on his behalf, and you don't want to be one of "those" patients either. So you ask. And you get a yes! And they tell you you can't drive and that it's a powerful narcotic and you think; finally THIS will do it. And you, again, verify your birth date, SERIOUSLY, and you enjoy the pain in your hand because it's a new pain that should come with payoff. And you recognize the drug as one used when you were in labor. And you feel it instantly. That dragging-you-down-into-a-painfree-abyss feeling rush all over your body. And you think: this is more like it. This is going to work.

You hear again that they're still coming for you for the CT scan, and you still don't care and you start to feel sleepy. You think you will nap. Your father-in-law even says he'll go sitting the waiting area to give you peace to nap. This is good. But it's not. You close your eyes for probably five minutes-and that lovely feeling you got when the drug first hit your body is gone. Completely and totally gone. You are groggy and tired and there it is. An 8. And you're thinking to yourself, what the hell kind of "thing" is causing this that defies 2 types of pain medication? What can be so painful it is immune to drugs? And now your for-real, not-so-polite personality is taking over - someone SERIOUSLY needs to figure this out.

And that's about the time this hospital's version of McDreamy shows up at your door. Ok, he's more Mr. McReally-Cute-Guy-Next-Door. A Ken doll. He's so nice. And so attentive and careful. And the first thing he does is apologize all over himself that they couldn't come to get you sooner (you waited more than an hour!) because of the eight year old boy thing. That begins your downfall. You hold your breath as he unhooks you from all the wires, takes you off oxygen, and makes your bed mobile. He wheels you by your father-in-law who gives you a thumbs up and says "progress." You try to nod as if you're encouraged, but you're sliding.

Once there, you get distracted as Dr. Mc"Ken Doll" explains the process. You decide you'll keep your eyes closed the whole time so it doesn't freak you out. He explains that he'll put dye into your IV which will show him your lungs - and that you'll feel warmth in your chest as it happens. It's go time. He's so nice. You trust him. You close your eyes and you listen to the machine telling you how to breathe. And there it is. The warmth. What he fails to mention is that you also feel it somewhere else. And you smile and think, "hello there." As he rolls you out, and verifies that the warmth went away - you can tell he knows. Yes, it's TMI. But it's one of the only moments where you think humorous thoughts and actually smile to yourself. And it lasts only seconds.
As he's loading you back into the bed, you return to where you were before and you're cracking. The 8 is starting to push to a 9 out of sheer exhaustion and frustration. You keep trying to keep it together in front of Dr Mc Ken-Doll. You dab a few tears away. He's kind enough to hook you back up to all your stupid wires. He leaves and you break. Father-in-law is there and he takes it as his cue to call your parents - who you had previously agreed to wait to call until you could definitively tell them something. You can't talk to them. Because you can't talk. You can only cry. The nurse returns, you cry at her. She promises more drugs - you are stunned because you think surely your body could not safely take anymore drugs. But you are thankful and sobbing and your father-in-law gets it and lets you cry.

Once again the nurse comes in. She pushes a new drug into your hand. This is not like the normal, just add some drugs to an IV bag - there was never an IV bag, just a direct line into your hand...hence the pain every time they add something. A pain you welcome. But this time you have doubt. This time you are beside yourself. This time you plan to assault Dr. Douche when he comes back and demand answers. But then the drugs take effect and you're loopy. And tired. And finally - though it is not completely 100% gone - for the first time, a drug has taken off the edge. You are thankful. You are not an 8. When the nurse checks on you again you are hovering at a 5 and a half. Progress.

Then Dr. Douche shows up. All smiles and happy. He is happy because he is getting you, a "non-emergency" out of his ER. He is not happy for the right reason. He tells you your CT is clear. Your tests are all negative. That is MUST be muscular/skeletal and that is not ER worthy. He smiles right in your face and pats you on the arm and says "So, see, that's good - it''s none of those things, let's get you out of here." If it weren't for the drugs, he'd have no face. You fight through the fog enough to ask "But but but - I still hurt." "We'll give you drugs. You'll go see your doctor Friday if you are still in pain." You're thinking - I've been in pain nearly 2 weeks, why would anything change. You ask, "But won't the drugs just mask the pain - they're not "fixing" anything." He says something about your chest wall and it's like a sprained ankle and it just needs to rest. What? Your brain won't work fast enough to come back with - BUT IT'S BEEN "RESTING" FOR TWO WEEKS. Your brain won't align the words. He leaves. In and out in minutes....leaving you feeling dejected. All this for nothing - and nothing has or will change. You manage to squeak out to the nurse - "But what if these drugs don't help with the pain? Nothing else has?" And she just says, "Well these drugs are powerful, like the last thing in your IV." And you think - 'but that was on top of two other drugs' but have lost the energy to say anything more. It's time to go home. After nearly 8 hours.

Your torture continues in a different form:

You sleep and sweat for 8 hours. Your husband lived his own torture trying to get an earlier flight back but could not - he arrives home at about 11pm and scoops you up and you are delirious. You ask him to make you food because you have strict instructions not to take your drugs w/o food. And you must have drugs. And after sleeping 8 hours...you are at ... yep, an 8. And you want the drugs. And you're taking them two at a time. You stay up long enough to eat, take drugs, have him ask you a million questions and fuss...and then you are out again. Another 8 hours.

And you wake up and demand food...because food means drugs. You eat. You take 2. You're at a 6. And you can't stay awake. So it's back to bed. And when you're up again, you are in tears. You're foggy, groggy and high. You're back at an 8. Your husband calls the Dr. and just gets his nurse. Nut-job. She says it's ok to just take the pills with milk to get it to your blood stream faster. But she wants you to just take one. She says to only do 2 at night. You cry some more. They agree on an appointment time for you to go in first thing Friday. You decide you will take one more pill, but that pill is going to be your last. You want to see how long you can go without it...you think maybe you can even go back to work and just deal - like you had been doing. And you sleep.

You wake up twice in the night in pain. But you don't take another pill. You wake up and shower. You've learned your lesson about going to the doctor all gross and not clean shaven. You've made a mental note to never to that again. You're at a 6. Six is doable. Six is manageable - and ok for work. Aside from still feeling tired and a little drugged. Six is painful and uncomfortable, but you can deal.

You go to the Dr. And you endure the nut-job nurse who does not pick up on the fact that you have no interest in her stupid, nonsensical small talk. You endure it because you like this doctor. This doctor who started his first day at that practice Wednesday. With you. His mystery case. This doctor who seems sincerely perplexed and wants to figure this out. This doctor who asks good questions, and let's you use his back, chest and arm to explain where your pain is. You like him. But in the end, he does not have answers. He tells you it's now just about determining what it is NOT...and going from there. He wants you to see an orthopedic surgeon to rule out the muscular-skeletal. He explains that they are hard to get into. He's concerned you will run out of drugs - and offers to give you something stronger. He gives you his personal cell phone. I repeat: a doctor has given you his personal cell phone...to get more drugs. You know he knows you're not a freak and this is for real.

Your husband calls the orthopedic surgeon from the car. You can't get in until Tuesday at 2:45pm. And the tears come again. Your disappointment is at a 7. This means you will need to stay in your state of drugged-out, still in pain, but without the edge "6" through Tuesday.
You're a bit panicky. There's work. There's things. You start negotiating with your husband. You want to go to work. Today. He doesn't think it's a good idea. He wants you to take your meds and rest. You get frantic and cry more. You remember you are supposed to do produce a debate on Tuesday. You think of ALL the things you are supposed to be doing and you get stressed. He tries to talk some sense into you.

You talk to your boss. You cry at your boss - which you hate with a 9. He tries to reason with you, but you've just taken a pill and you're just beside yourself. He says nice things and you drop back to a 5. And cry more when you get off the phone.

Then your husband sits down in front of you - one of those eye-to-eye moments and hits you with a heart breaker.

He tells you the bridal shower you've been so looking forward to throwing Sunday should be postponed. You burst into tears. He's asking you to let it go - and telling you at the same time. You tell him you want your girly party. He tells you the bride will understand, everyone will understand. He says you can still have it, just not Sunday. And suddenly YOU ARE that eight year old boy - -who just a couple months ago you had to tell you were postponing his birthday party because he was sick. And his little heart broke. Like mine was, at that moment.

Disappointment: 10.

When it Rains it Pours ... er...Drips

2010-10-19T10:25:00.003-05:00

So, yes, I completed the 5K - blah blah blah, yada yada yada - I'll post about that later.

I'm here to vent a bit.

So, we needed some house repairs. And decided to refinance, because that's what you do. We were quite excited at the prospect of taking care of things - and maybe even having some left over for Christmas.

And God laughed.

First priority: the car I drive. We have a brand new minivan - and decided to take care of all the ailments in this other car to make it last for awhile. (We had just refinanced it, too.) We thought ailments meant new tires, new tire thingy in wheel that made a sensor come on and yell at you in the car, inspection...that sort of thing.

And God laughed.
As the refinance was going through we learned it needed the transmission rebuilt. And I could tell - damn thing was really fond of going in reverse when it was in drive. Quite fun. Reminded me of driving a stick shift. Which I've really only done once in my life - and that was a bad deal (crashed into a parked car and mailbox. as a teen. at a boy's house where I wasn't supposed to be. anyway....) So, we take it in. Transmission fixed. Good to go.

And God laughed.
Place tells us a wheel bearing is broken and it's not fit to drive. That would explain the shaking steering wheel. I just pretended I was a NASCAR driver and held on tight. Nope. So, we take it to our tire place. Get those tires replaced, new wheel bearing .. and of course, it's not COMPLETELY fixed -- but we had to stop the $$ bleeding.

Plus - we've been trying to get a new dishwasher FOR-EV-ER...but we kept buying them and they kept not fitting. (A whole different pain is the arse.) We finally bought one - it's all space age and lovely.

But we didn't get a chance to be all pleased with ourselves.During this time we noticed a crack in the windshield in the brand new minivan. Lovely. There's also a crack in the windshield of the non-kid car. Mother trucker!! They've moved down the priority list.

So, we also have a broken garage door. On the list of things to fix - the wire pulley thingy has completely broken off and it won't go up. And the bottom panel of the door is rotting. We were going to replace both doors with steel. It was on the list.

I should mentioned we also did an "Extreme Home Makeover" in Jack's room. Nick has moved in with Kyle and now Jack has his own room. We completely re-painted, got him a cool new bed and dresser - right now it's the coolest room in the house.

Since that work is finally complete, aside from the two crack windshields and the extra work we'll need to do on the non-kid car -- we were finally feeling more "settled" and considering our next moves. I was thinking today how I could get this bedding set that I really like - it's really time for a new set. Ryan was looking at the money that was left and thinking he could call the garage door people.

And God laughed.
Ryan went into the garage this morning and noticed big puddles. Then saw a huge wet spot on the ceiling. Something is leaking. It appears to be the toilet in the main bathroom. He was hoping if he jiggled a few things here and there it would stop dripping by the time I got up. Nope, I discovered it before seeing his note because of the loud dripping. It's still doing it now. Drip. Drip. Drip. The wall behind the toilet is damp. That just can't be good.

A plumber is coming tomorrow. Good bye bedding set. Garage door will wait. And we'll pray this won't be some huge big thing. God, please don't laugh here. We get it. We're very grateful for all that you have given us. Now please, go laugh at someone else.

Tales from the Bus Stop: A Gerding Dramady

2010-09-28T10:16:00.009-05:00

Those of you who follow my Facebook posts have seen comments here and there about some "issues" at the kids' bus stop on our street.

Well, those issues have now escalated into blog-worthy hilarity.

Sometimes I wonder if my family has been cast in a sitcom ... problem more of a dramady...the likes of the Truman Show; where the world is watching and laughing (or crying) and we're just plugging away at juggling this stuff - none the wiser.

So to bring you up to speed: (Seriously - the stuff in the middle in kinda boring - but the end is worth it - so hang in!)
The bus stop has been an annoying issue for the parents who've been standing out there with the kids. Luckily, to keep our lives from being a full on CSI drama - I get to sleep in during that time. The previous bus stop was basically directly across the street to our house, then one house over. A family of girls live there. Seen that movie "Mean Girls?" Yeah, not even close. I won't go into full on characterization - you get the idea.

Well, the frustration for the parents is that the bus pulls up -- but the door to get on the bus is on OUR side of the street. So - kids all cross the street to get to the bus stop, then cross the street AGAIN to get on the bus. Then throw in some mean girls. Usually all the kids and the 2 or 3 adults all stand at the home across the street - then walk up to the actual stop when the bus arrives and goes from there. God forbid they get too close too soon -- then the nasty comes out...example;l the girls telling the kids "DON'T TOUCH OUR SNOW." Yeah.

So, over the summer .. at various gatherings .. moms vented. And wondered what we'd do. To me the solution was simple: Everyone just stand in our driveway. What's the driver gonna do? Not pick them up?

One neighbor was so fed up, she contacted the District Transportation department and asked about getting the bus stop moved. The district lady said 'sure, just fill out a form and mail it back to us.' Well when this form arrived - our neighbor was so aghast she immediately went door to door to show it to us. It was funny, I was sitting in my living room facing the stairs..and her kids came in - not unusual, the kids were all playing together. I was greeting each of them as they came up the stairs. "Hey kid 1, whatcha up to?" "Hey kid 2, aw, you got a haircut, so cute!" And then to my surprise, "Hey....uh, Mom 1 , oh, uh, hey??"

She brought me the "form". It was like 6 pages long - front AND back. And it required the drawing of diagrams! I thought that was ridiculous .. and at our last gathering before school started, we all agreed the best thing to do would be to just "make our own" bus stop. We'd all gather at our driveway, and just see what happens. Logic would have you believe the bus would stop at the place with 13 children. As opposed the one w/2. And that's where you are wrong.

So, first day of school. It's a big day for the Gerdings -- our LAST kid is going to school. The big kindergarten. My baby, my shadow - off on his own. We gather in my driveway - lots of kids, and all the parents. We have coffee and doughnuts. And we wait.

Here comes the bus. And it stops -- at our house. We take pictures, the kids pile on. Across the street, and a house over, the two girls stand there. One acts like she's going to cross, but her MOTHER tells her no. I watch. It's a standoff. The bus driver honks the horn and waves them over. The mothers hold the two girls back. At this point, it's no longer "my baby is going to kindergarten, waah!" It's - what the HELL is this? Finally, after a long delay of just standing there, the girls cross to get on, and the one mom comes over as well -- boards the bus and starts to give the bus driver Hell. The poor guy, (he's like a grandpa), keeps saying "What about the kindergartners??" And her argument is simply, "You have to stop at the designated bus stop."

At this point, one of the dads gets involved - and I step in. The bus driver takes this as his chance to exit - and off he goes. We stand there and bicker. The two moms claim because their children come home to empty homes the stop has to be where it is. Or that they can't see their kids if they aren't at that bus stop. We basically challenge how silly that is, especially since we have 2-3 adults outside standing with the kids every morning watching them - -THEY are never out. I do manage to get in a "hey, let's be honest, these kids don't want to stand by your daughters - they're mean." Yeah, I had reached 'mad.' Odd thing was she didn't deny it - she actually said something like "I think you'll see that's better this year." Interesting. Anyway, as we debated, I bottom lined it for her; "Basically, all this boils down to is, you want it at your house. So here's the deal. We're not moving. Our kids will wait in this driveway 'til the bus comes, then we'll walk one house up and board on the side where the door opens. Period."
(She does call the bus barn and scream at them, and the next day the bus stops one house up. And the poor driver even admits it's crazy, but he has to stop at the designated stop. So we stick w/our plan. Stay on our side of the street, and just move one house up to board.)

As things broke up, I turned to Mom 1 and told her to get me the forms - we're doin' this. I was pissed. The "moment" for my kindergartner was gone - I didn't even get to cry. And it was because 2 other moms were just being mean girls, 20 years older. Neither of these other two moms had made decent arguments - and I did listen to see if they had anything valid. Nope. I went to town. I used Google maps. I measured the length in distance the change would be (13 yards.) And as luck would have it, on the first day of school, the district sent home a school bus safety diagram - showing safe places to stand and "danger zones." Guess what? Original bus stop = danger zone. Our preferred stop? Safe zone. That's right. The door opens on our side of the street, duh! So, yes, I used the district's OWN diagram to make our case. After filling out all the paperwork with supporting arguments, and diagrams I double and triple checked over it. It was solid. Mom1 was kind enough to get signatures from our 7 families with 13 kids (most of which were K - 2nd grade.) We mailed it in and waited.

Soon, notice arrived, on official transportation letterhead - we won. The bus stop was now to "officially" be at our house. Hurrah! I was so pleased all the work I had done paid off and benefited so many people. The letter even said something like "after reviewing the documentation"! Yeah baby!

So yesterday was the big move. I was actually out there. I noticed mean mom come out. But we all played it cool. Let's not make a big deal. Mean girls looked a bit confused, but got on the bus - no drama, no problem. End of that.

Wrong.

Ok, at this point - I don't know the rest of the story. I wasn't out there this morning. I just know a couple details. But the details I know are killer. You'll love it.

So, apparently mean mom emailed a flamer to the head transportation lady with the district. So, this morning, head transportation lady with the district actually CAME to our bus stop to watch what was going on. I think she was expecting a showdown with fireworks. I'm sure what she actually found was several SANE families all out with their kids, at the proper stop, waiting for the bus like normal people. My husband says she even seemed annoyed at crazy mom. But here's the punch line. The thing I will laugh about all day. The part of the sitcom where you think they've jumped the shark.

Apparently, crazy mom told the district lady that the bus stop can't change because .. .wait for it...............................................................................:
HER CHILDREN ARE BEING ATTACKED BY WILD CATS.

You read that right. And again, I don't know the whole deal - I just got a brief , terse email from the hubby. But that's enough really.

Trying to decide if I should be concerned about these WILD CATS that apparently only go after mean girls (yes!) and seriously, have to be invisible. And the attacking? Is that happening, when? When they pop out of their house JUST as the bus arrives? Is it in the Bermuda triangle of the extra 13 yards they have to walk?

Yeah, that's just too good not to share.

This Day.

2010-09-11T07:42:00.002-05:00

We remember heroes. We hold each other tighter. And we get misty at seeing the flag.

I also remember my hero. Popaw, who died years later on this same day.

Never forget.

W3D1. WTF? OMG. MIZ!

2010-09-04T11:25:00.006-05:00

Well, that blows.
Seriously.
Just attempted Week 3, Day 1 (W3D1) of Couch to 5k. I couldn't even finish the 1st run stage, which was the length I had ALREADY been running. What's up with that??? Something was wrong today. Things hurt - like right away. I did about 1:00 of the first 1:30 run - a run I've been able to complete. Then I did about 2:00 of the 3 minute run. There's a small victory. But when it was back to the 1:30 run again, I had to stop with 40 seconds left...and walked through the next 3:00 run. Crap. My legs were KILLING me. Even just walking. My ankles, and right hip. What gives? Is it because I ran in the morning instead of night? In which case, better fix that, because this 5K is at 7-freaking-30 in the morning. I had the right mindset. I even had the right song to get started - Eminem "Prove Yourself" ... started as a motivator, then it mocked me. Dang. I will try again. I hope today that my body was just off kilter. Of course, that makes me worry it could do that on 5K day. Not good.

Oh, and by the way, I found two syringes on the sidewalk that is outside our division where everyone jogs. WTF?

And speaking of WTF? Anyone see that Notre Dame piece on Game Day this morning? Gag. And Lee Corso can bite me. I hope the Boilermakers drop a rock on those Irish. Get over it people, they're done!!! (Corso - who btw was a former IU coach- said "I'd pick a rock before I'd pick Purdue to win." )

I really wasn't ready to give up summer - and I do hope we get a trip to the pool in this weekend - but I am SO GLAD football is back. Freaking love it. Doesn't matter what game is on - it's soothing to my soul. Aaaaah. Foooooootball.

Speaking of which - 5 minutes to kick off.
M- I - Z-!!!!!!!!

COUNTDOWN TO 5K: 42 DAYS

Sure - leave comments here!~

2010-09-02T11:27:00.003-05:00

Many of you pop over from Twitter or Facebook - it's ok to post your comments here! All are welcome. Thanks.

Many, Many Heartfelt Thanks.

2010-09-02T10:38:00.005-05:00

Last week was painful. We lost the "foundation" of Ryan's mom's family. Sunday, we knew she wasn't doing well, and went to visit. But, for the most part, she seemed like herself - just very tired. She looked at pictures with us from our vacation ... and made jokes. We had asked if we could move her to her bed for a nap when we left ... and she said, "No, someone's job is to hold this chair down, and I'm doing great at it." (As she playfully grasped the sides of the chair.) I'll always remember, that as she looked through the pictures - she pointed out to me, "You have a beautiful smile." That was one of the last things she ever said to me. But it was SHE who had the beautiful smile. Seriously.

The very next day, she dressed herself, and went to breakfast - stunning the staff. But on the way back, she stumbled...

Ryan decided to stay with her, and was holding her hand and stroking her hair when she peacefully left this world.

At that point our world came to an abrupt stop. I think some of us were in denial, instead thinking that this tough lady would once again rebound - and be with us forever. We were in denial, that this person, who attended every single event in our lives ... wouldn't be there anymore. Smiling.

Ryan was tasked with compiling a video of pictures of her life. And he threw himself into it. Hundreds and hundreds of pictures...with different children, grandchildren, great grandchildren and friends. But one thing was always the same. That smile.

Ryan spoke at her funeral: talking about how everything was her "favorite." She was always happy with whatever she was doing at that moment - and even happier if she was surrounded by people. So, yeah, that's what I take away - the smile. She always said she "never remembered the bad stuff." I like that. That lends itself to easily always having a smile on her face.

And through the pain of that miserable week - while there may have been tears on my face, there was a smile in my heart. So many people stepped up to help us out. I want to thank them out loud.

When I called my mom, to say what was happening, she literally dropped everything (seriously, I heard things hit the floor) to drive from Indiana to our home to help with kids and routines and folding laundry. This was a tremendous, incredible, huge help. She helped keep the balls in the air, and the household in movement. Thank you, thank you.

Our neighbors also came through. It was very difficult not to burst into tears, when Arturo (and yes, he looks as big & burly as the name suggests) came to our door with armloads of food and a card all our neighbors had signed. Everyone had pitched in. Only moments before I was thinking to myself: "I wonder if the kids would notice if we didnt feed them dinner tonight." That food helped so much. We seriously ate only that for the next few days - in fact, Ryan's mom stopped by around lunch time, and we convinced her to eat something .. and we were able to easily offer up a nice plate, thanks to the food that had been dropped off. Seriously, it HELPED. And the gesture meant so much, thank you, thank you.

Our neighbors also took in kids on various days. Someone ate dinner at one house one night, another spent the night...and the Wrights were simply assigned "Kyle duty" the day of the funeral - and ferried him around to football and soccer. Huge help. They also supplied us with another night of food. Thank you, thank you.

And my work people were helpful - just with their words. Yes, I said work people. In the past, that would not have seemed possible ... but things have changed. I appreciate that when I kept sending emails concerned about loose ends, that my boss finally just replied: "We got it. Go be with your family." Small gesture, big impact. Another boss cried with me on the phone. Helped me put things into perspective. Thanks.

And my kids. Bless their sweet little hearts. I'll never, ever, ever, ever, forget the looks on their faces when we told them. Or how each of them handled their it in their own way - fit for their personality.

Nick, after running to his room to cry in to a pillow recovered and turned into "helper." He kept trying to find me bookmarks as I went through albums to find pictures. Then he remembered he had his own album in his room. With a picture of her. With a grand smile. Nick then insisted that I get her a flower, like the one she wore as a corsage in that picture. Pink. And he told me, "Momma, I want to get a flower like that one, and put it on her rock." Sweet boy.

So I did. I got a flower like that one. And it only came in a package of three. One for each boy. And I left it with her rock. And I'm sure that made her smile.

No, Mamoo, YOU have a beautiful smile. And it's what I'll always remember.

Thank you.

Couch to 5Kick My Ass

2010-08-20T10:21:00.007-05:00

I'm not a quitter.
I'm not a "can't".
I'm not a cryer.

Yet a few days ago I cried when I completed the first full workout in my "Couch to 5K" program. Happy tears. Tears of disbelief.

Today I cried again at the end of my workout. Because I didn't finish it. Because it's not coming easy. Because there's no instant gratification. No instant pay off. I've been working out pretty consistently for a week now - compared to practically nothing before. And this morning I weighed MORE. And this morning I couldn't finish two runs. And because this is a lonely process.

As I was dejectedly walking the "cool down" - or as I call it "the only way to get home because no one is going to come pick your sorry ass up" - I felt sorry for myself. I groused over that this was just the "way it was going to be." Life had two courses:

Course One: the course I believed I was on: Career, ladder climber, see how far I could go, no kids, and excellent physical shape. I used to run for FUN. I used to TEACH aerobics and gymnastics and constantly be moving. Catch: Lonely. Only a career to show for your life.

Course Two: Meet someone. Settle down. Have kids. Pick one city and call it home. Pick one job and do whatever you have to do to make it work. Have something to show for your life, and a core group around you. Catch: Be overweight/out of shape, sedentary and have non-stop stress that kicks into higher gear just THINKING about work. (And stress is known to cause weight gain.)

Now that my heart is no longer pounding in my ears, and I've caught my breath and wiped my stupid tears ... and feel sweat still dripping off my back, I know those are the thoughts of a pouting baby. An angry pouting baby who was ready to quit.

Let's be clear. I'm still ready to quit. It's easy to find excuses. I counted on my husband for support, and enjoyed when he ran with me. But last night - when I asked him twice about running and he didn't want to, and I suggested I'd run by myself, then his brain kicked into gear and he insisted on running. Screw you. I didn't run. Mostly because I was mad and didn't want to be around he-who-is-so-stupid-he-doesn't-know-the-answer-is-ALWAYS-yes-if-to-asked-to-run!! And mostly because that anger and annoyance gave me an "out."

But that's another thing. It's not about him. It's not about kids, who I used as "I can't do anything, I've got kids at home." It's not about time. I'm home now in the mornings. With time. It's not about being "too tired." I'm getting to bed at a reasonable time. There are no excuses. None that make any sense.

It's about me. And it has to be about me. For me. I am responsible for my own self. And right now, 80% of my 'self' wants to quit. 20% is tired of being the lone voice of GET OFF YOUR ASS AND MAKE IT HAPPEN.

Quitting is easy. It provides instant gratification, no pain, and less sweat.

I remember being probably about 8 or 10 and climbing one of the tallest mountains in New York with my dad. It's an all day climb with steep terrain. It's hard on adults, much less kids. At one point my dad saw me huffing and puffing and asked if we should turn back. I told him we had made it halfway, and there's no way I wanted to go back now. That used to be me: 100%.
Now, as I mentioned, that drive in me is only at 20% - but fighting to make a comeback.

Never quit.

So, I'm going to channel my anger and frustration and keep trying. No - doing.

I'm going to do it.
There will probably be more tears, and more "quitting" points.
But I'm going to do it.

For me.

COUNTDOWN TO 5K: 57 days.

For reals.

2010-05-21T21:56:00.005-05:00

Let's see, it's been since MARCH that I've updated this thing. Well, if you count the non-stop twitter feed, then heck, I've been updating daily -- and rather regularly.

What does that say? I really don't have time to sit down and pound out anything relevant that's more than 140 characters. But limit me to 140 characters of random musings - and I'm all over it.

So, this blog will be a collection of random; indulging on more than that 140 character restriction. First, how annoying that I could be leaving work right now -- this very second -- but instead, for some reason, I've logged on here and decided to dive in. Is this really the best use of my time? Meh. I'll type fast.

Age has been on my mind a lot lately. The people I work with seem to be getting younger - I make jokes based on cultural references, then have to explain. Someone "brags" about being in the business for 7 years ... and I snort....I've been working here in KC for longer than that, and made several other stops before getting here. Ouch!

I used to eat cake at the retirement parties of journalists who'd put in the long haul at one place and think "Why would you EVER stay in one place that long?? That'll never be me." Hm. I'm getting pretty close to a 10 year anniversary. Wow. I'm gonna blame that on kids. Not a bad thing, I suppose. There's something to be said for longevity (knock on wood. no seriously, knock on it RIGHT NOW.)

I'm finding more gray hairs in the once tiny gray hair farm in one spot of my head. Not a fan. I have actually made myself late to things because I've been playing "catch the gray hair w/tweezers" at my mirror. Nothing's worse than noticing one in the car - and trying to pull it with my fingers only spiral it up like curling ribbon....taking it from blendable to a wiry spring coming out of the top of my head.

I could go on about the age thing, but I've suddenly grown bored with that. Again - another reason Twitter & it's 140 rule is good for me. I'm easily distracted. Short attention span.

Anyhoo...I'm really looking forward to the trip we're taking Memorial Day weekend. We're going to ... wait for it ... Arkansas! Did you just wrinkle up your nose? Stop that. Seriously. I wanted to hit the road. I'm made to travel - and it had been too long - so I INSISTED we take SOME sort of trip over the holiday weekend. We got a touristy-flyer-type thing in the paper begging folks to SEE ARKANSAS! And I checked it out ... and thought: perfect road trip. We won't waste too much time in the car .. but still get far enough away to feel...well, away.

And that's the thing. I'm really looking forward to that "away" part. We're gonna stay in a cabin in the woods. So, seriously AWAY. No plans for all sorts of activities and events etc etc that normal family vacations entail. We just go and be. Go and be. You know, just go there and HANG. Not rush to this thing and that and must see this and that. Nope, just be.

I am seriously considering leaving my cell phone at home. Correction: freakin' awesome iPhone that totally feeds my short attention span. Just typing about it right now makes me want to pick it up and mess. But - it comes with the drawbacks of work emails. Dong! Another email is in. Dong! Look, a red number on top of email icon envelop counting how many emails are sitting here. Waiting to be read. Dong! Could it be the boss making big changes? Dong! Could it be someone with a question only I can answer? Dong! Some email just landed about someone misunderstanding something and when you read it it'll put you in a bad mood and hang over you 'til you return to work. Dong! Yeah...that's not a good thing when you're TRULY trying to be on vacation.

Ok. Seriously I should go home now. Hm. Maybe if I took my phone w/me on vacation I could blog from there....complete with pictures of us relaxing. And then I could foursquare every move we make. I could be mayor of some tiny coffee shop in a tiny Arkansas town.

For reals.

Who's Counting?

2010-03-05T19:24:00.002-06:00

Funny car conversation tonight.

Kids were asking random questions. And eventually Kyle asks, "Why do grownups get to use cuss words and bad words?"

Long pause. Um, ah, well ... I answered with, "Well, when you're grown up you just get to do stuff that kids don't get to do. And not all of it is really good stuff."

Kyle says, "Well one of you used the s-word like 10 times."

Me, "What? When? Was it Daddy?"

All 3 kids then say, "No Momma it was YOU! When you were trying to fix Nick's drawer!'

Someone pipes up, "Yeah, we were counting. And you used the d-word - and - "

I interupt, "Ok ok ok I get it."

And then I punch Ryan in the arm - who is howling, and practically driving off the road.

So, I've turned into my father. He mastered the art of cussing - kind of like the dad on Christmas Story .. you know, making stuff up as he goes. I remember one time he was working on the house and yelled out "JEE--SUS, JOSEPH AND MARY!" We found it funny that he'd go for the tri-fecta. But even better was when he'd make stuff up. I still remember giggling with my brother after a string of obscenities with some brand new words that ended with "piss-ant printer!" Dad eventually heard us giggling - -which, timed wrong, could mean trouble - but lucky for us, got him giggling too.

I don't think I've quite evolved into creative cussing. Though, after stubbing my toe pretty badly, I did string together a pretty wild combination of every word I could think of. Ryan still laughs about that one. Thankfully - kids weren't around to count..and call me on it later.

Beeping, Cussing and Not Laughing

2010-02-03T21:52:00.003-06:00

Had to share this story.

The other night, at about 2:30 in the morning, I woke up to the hall light coming on -- and beeping. I soon realized the beeping was probably a smoke detector - and that my husband was already up trying to make it stop.

I laid there and listened as he removed one detector. Then heard the beeping continue. I listened as he removed another dectector. The beeping continued - and now he was cussing.
I am now laying there, wide awake, kind of shaking my head. I'm thinking "the sound is coming from the HALL." But I don't move. He's mad, and frankly, I was entertained. How many is he going to take down? How many times will I hear it be removed from the ceiling, hear a beep, then hear cussing? Comedy.

Then he comes to the doorway, "I don't know what the @#$!^& is wrong." I don't say anything. He storms off for the basement. (Checking detectors down there.) Yes, I'm thinking he's a moron.

I get up. I'm certain the beeping is in the hall. I stand in the hall. The beep is so loud it hurts my ears. I get the stool he's been using in every room and grab the carbon monoxide detector. It beeps as I hold it in my hand. My *first try at solving the beeping mystery.

He's now coming up the stairs. I walk over to him - and hand him the device, "It's the carbon monoxide detector." (To myself: YOU DIPWEED!)

I turn around and head back for bed. Soon he crawls in too. I stifle giggles. I figure he's so mad, giggling would get me in trouble.

I bring it up the next day: "So....you haven't said anything about the 'detector incident' last night?" He laughs. I tell him about hiding my giggles when he came to bed. Turns out, he too, was hiding giggles -- thinking I was annoyed and it would tick ME off.

Too bad. It would have been nice to have laughed together at that one.

I scrapped!

2010-01-25T17:07:00.006-06:00

I had not scrapped ANYTHING since the first weekend of January - LAST YEAR.

Lots of excuses, no time, picture issues, etc etc.

Well, as you saw in the post below - my oldest turned 10 recently. And I REALLY wanted to do a layout of him w/his cakes over all the years leading up to 10. And I wanted to have it up for his birthday. So -- I cranked out this layout:

That got my juices flowing ... so I decided to try to do more. I grabbed an envelope of photos and told myself - no matter what, I'm going to scrap something in this envelope. Turns out, the envelope had a bunch of mostly blurry shots of the kids -- taken with an underwater camera. But I stuck to my guns -- and completed this:(shot is a bit dark - pic is from my phone)
I'm also nearly done w/another layout from that same envelope! Yeah! I'm scrappin' again!

Birthday Mania

2010-01-23T17:17:00.016-06:00

Almost done.
Birthday mania.
Seriously.
We kick it off with Nick -- his birthday is Dec. 22nd -- yep, RIGHT before Christmas. Then we do Christmas and move in to the January month of celebration. Nick had a "puppy/spiderman/Mizzou" party. We make a grand effort to keep Christmas out of it. No Christmas wrapping paper, everyone wears MIZZOU stuff...we open presents in a different room away from the tree. (That's also because the tree usually swallows up the room we normally do that in.) My hope is for him to never say "My birthday is at Christmas and that stinks." So far so good. We'll see how long that lasts.

Kyle turned 7 on the 10th. He wanted a "Ben 10" Party. And like his older brother, he really, really wanted a sleepover. Note: boys have sleepovers. GIRLS have slumber parties. Just an important piece of trivia for you. Important. Anyway - we usually let them pick -- some party at some place, or a sleep over with a limited number of guests. At first, we thought WE were getting the good deal not having to pay for some elaborate party at some venue ... but now I'm not so sure which is REALLY the better deal. The boys LOVE the sleepover. And Kyle was VERY excited to have his first one this year. I think it was also a first for some of the boys he invited - and they too were quite excited. We had the traditional ice cream sundae bar with tons of toppings and the (gross) spraying of whip cream straight into the mouth.
The next day we then had family over for more celebrating.

Jack turned 10 on the 17th. That's right, their birthdays are exactly 7 days a part. So yes, we had BACK TO BACK sleepovers + family night parties. Yep. Insane. Jack wanted a "basketball" themed party...and he started the ice cream sundae bar tradition and kept it going. He always invites the 3 boys who live on our street - and they now expect the big sundae bar. They too had quite a great time. Lots of Wii games. (Check out the video on our family website here.) Both parties were quite loud and both kept us up late. Though I think the 9-10 year olds were more "disgusting." (Louder burps and more potty talk to reign in.)

Can you believe we have a 10 year old? We can't. We have a kid who has a word to describe how long he's been around: a decade. We've been parents for a DECADE. Wow.
That freaked us out. So imagine how it's gonna feel in 2013 when we have a TEENAGER *AND* a "DECADE" kid! Ack!

Did you think I was done talking about birthdays? Um, no. My dad's birthday was January 12th. As far as I know, he did not have a theme party. Unless it was "TVs" or "politics." So, his bday is certainly lower-maintenance.

And this week is Ryan's birthday. And believe me, by the time we get to his birthday, we've had the whole family over like 3 times... plus 2 other parties in the house...and well, Ryan has very little interest in "partying." He's ready to chill. We're actually kind of excited because I have the day off and all 3 kids will be in school. We will go to lunch, maybe a movie - and not have to worry about sitters or anything. Just chill.

Birthday mania. Nearly complete. And actually, pretty fun.

2010-01-13T11:36:00.001-06:00

Test post from phone

18 Years.

2009-11-22T11:40:00.002-06:00

18 years ago today, Ryan and I went on our very first date. He had called me several days before to ask me out. I remember laughing to myself because he felt compelled to say he was "Ryan GERDING" - as if he feared I might not recall who this person was who was calling me.

I recalled. I recalled because I had that "moment." Someone once described it as "Your souls know, and pop out and wave to each other." So, maybe it's not quite love at first sight (or maybe it is) but I remember it as a quick fleeting moment of "huh - something significant here." I had only had it once before. I still remember that exact moment. A group of us were all walking together to a class - I was hanging back with some girls, he was a bit ahead with some guys. He was talking. Very animated. And at the moment when he was gesturing - I think re-doing a football pass - his hands were up, and I was looking at him talking, not hearing, that was the moment. A brief "slo-mo" of that "Hey, you paying attention here? This person is significant."

And then life passed. With several opportunities for our paths to cross again. And it was like fate was trying ... but we kept messing it up. But fate was set, and eventually it just came down to a phone call. A phone call that set fate's "big picture" in motion.

Now here we are, 18 years later. 13 years of marriage. Nearly 10 years of parenthood.
I do believe some things are just meant to be.

Three Weekends of Fun

2009-11-22T11:10:00.008-06:00

When I was going on and on about the great weekends I was having - I should have started one weekend back. We went to Indiana to spend time with my family. We managed to squeeze in a Purdue game and a trip to Chucky Cheese, too.

Here are some pictures from that weekend:

And the Fun Continues...

2009-11-01T09:52:00.004-06:00

Friday's fun spilled into Saturday.

1st - we got to sleep in. (See a pattern here of what's "great" to me?) We had no soccer games or sports of any kind ... and puttered around. We really spent the morning doing NOTHING. And sometimes, "nothing" is just right. ("Nothing" with the MIZZOU game on. Wooo - a win!)

Then we started getting kids geared up for Halloween fun. We like to drive to Blue Springs to Trick or Treat at Grandma's house - and we start early w/the family Trick-or-Treating so we can be back in time to hit the neighborhood.

At Grandma Pat's house in Blue Springs ... we had my two skeletons & a zombie, a chick magnet, and Auriel (?) and the lobster from Little Mermaid. Some cute kids looking SUPER cute. All the kids got big treat bags full of fun "ghoulish" stuff. And of course, everyone got a load of adorable pictures. (Oh, and Grandma was dressed like a black cat! And rocked it!) Oh - a funny moment..it was time to go, and we were trying to stick to tight schedule ... and Nick was still enjoying the snacks Gma had put out. I actually started saying to him - "Come on Nick, if you want more candy we gotta go." Him: "But I want to eat this" Me "But don't you want to go get more candy?" I then realize, my sweet child is sitting there, trying to eat VEGGIES, and I'm nagging him to hurry up to we can go get ... Candy. Mother of the Year.

We then moved our fun back to Lee's Summit...with a stop and Grandpa & Grandma's. When the boys rang the bell...Grandpa made a ghoulish laugh through his door speaker. Nick's reaction was funny. When they came to the door, Grandma was dressed like a Witch and welcomed the boys into her cauldron, er, I mean home. Nick read "5 Little Pumpkins" (a tradition) and did a great job!

After gathering up some treats - we returned home, and I quickly got into my costume while Ryan loaded the cooler, his "Puking Pumpkin" and other stuff and took them across the street to the neighbors house. We get everyone together to trick or treat, then go back to their house to have a party.

I dressed up as a Desperate Housewife. It was a last minute costume idea ... I wore jeans and a low cut shirt and a sequined shawl ... I wore red hose and red stilleto heels...lots of "diamonds" and heavy makeup. I then put a few curlers in my hair...tossed on my robe...put a bottle in my pocket (to drown my sorrows) and made my makeup look like I had been crying: viola: Desperate Housewife. While we were trick or treating - one dad in the street with us that we didn't know looks at me and goes "Please tell me that's your costume." HA! He took a risk saying that, didn't he?

I've left out one very important point with all of this: Normally, I don't get to go trick-or-treating. Normally, I have to work. (I work nights) And normally, it's SWEEPS - so, I'm not even allowed to ask for the day off. This year, with Halloween falling on Saturday, I actually got to go along for the fun .. and I was so happy! I HATE missing ANY kind of holiday fun -- I'm all about traditions and doing all the things you're supposed to do to soak up the holiday. So, I really really enjoyed walking the neighborhood..house to house and seeing the kids trick or treat...and seeing the people react to their costumes...and interacting with all the other families doing the same thing. It felt good.

After trick or treating, we dropped off all our loot at our house and headed across the street, where all our neighbors had gathered - in costume - (many adults too) to enjoy the rest of the night. Tons of good food ... and fun ... At one point all the kids gathered into one room to dance - and with the funky holiday lights and tile floor, it really looked like a dance club! Soon all the kids were doing the Thriller dance ... and yes, some adults too.

Eventually the party moved outside, around the fire pit. And soon kids were falling asleep in various places inside the house, as adults continued having fun into the night. I think Ryan started carrying kids home and putting them in bed around 12:30am ... and we didn't call it a night 'til about 1:30. And I know there were still a few at that fire pit long after that!

I couldn't have asked for a better Halloween. The weather was perfect. The kids had a great time. We had fun with family and friends and have tons of great pictures to show for it.

And here it is Sunday .. and not only did I sleep in, the time changed! In my favor! And I'm doing nothing. Well, I writing this - and it's taking forever because I'm "documenting" and being interrupted by kids playing with playd0ugh and showing me EVERY creation.

Soon we'll go to a soccer game - and it'll be fun because the weather's nice. And I'm going to do some cleaning (no, really, I'm looking forward to it!) And Ryan's planning a nice dinner ... and well, I think this whole weekend's gonna be a winner!

Oh, and did I mention it's my birthday tomorrow?

Best Day Ev-ah!

2009-10-31T13:39:00.003-05:00

I had a GREAT day Friday. And I mean GREAT!

Got to sleep in, always a bonus. Checked the numbers and saw not only a great day..but that we won the first night of the book! Nice way to start.

Then I was off to "pick up a few things." I started at Target...LOVE Target . Treated myself to a Starbucks while I shopped. That really got me moving. Got everything I needed for kids' fall parties.

Then I went SHOE shopping. One of Ryan's co-workers gave him this Payless coupon...50% off everything .. and I went to town. I came home with 6 pairs of shoes, one purse and a bracelet. HAPPY !!

I then set to organizing party treats. Ran into one bump in the road there - wanted to bounce around to some Pink, but the iPod was dead..and Ryan had the charging cord w/him. FAIL! Made due and still enjoyed my quiet time puttering. I love party prep.

It was actually nice to just drop off all my donations and not stay to go through party stress.
Had a pleasant day at work ... got a couple of newbies who are coming along WONDERFULLY.

Then - I had asked Ryan to keep the kids up so we could have our own little family party. We still needed to carve pumpkins since we were out of town last weekend ... and after missing parties, I really wanted some "fun" time with the kids. I figured Ryan would think I was crazy...

BUT: When I came home, the kids were dancing to Thriller in the basement and watching DVDs from past family Halloweens. Ryan had picked up Halloween cupcakes, popcorn and made a huge batch of hot apple cider in the crock pot! He'd even put a fire in the fireplace. To my surprie, he was on board and embracing my idea! Jump up and down!

We had a great time choosing our pumpkin designs, carving pumpkins and enjoying snacks. Then after we'd taken a bunch of pictures of our Jack-o-Lanterns, we turned off the lights and read stories with flash lights! Yes, we were up REALLY late ... but it was totally worth it...and we all had a good time. No fits or whining or grumbling. Just fun.

Yeah .. that's all I need. Good family time ... and new shoes. ( :

My September 11th

2009-09-11T11:35:00.002-05:00

Love you Popaw.

Hello 3 Day Wknd

2009-09-05T18:50:00.003-05:00

We purposefully are keeping it "light" this weekend ... we normally have to run all over the place for soccer games on the weekends...but thanks to the holiday - no kids sports to juggle.

So, we're making the most of our time "off." We all dressed in our MIZZOU best and got some great snacks and watched the game together. It was fun to see the boys excited for the game...and nice to see a BIG win.

Now we're puttering. Puttering is nice. No places to be, or clocks to be wary of. Seriously good.

I'm wasting time updating all the boys' blogs. Even updated our main blog, www.thegerdings.com And I'm not even LOOKING at the clock. Considering my whole life seems to revolve around what time it is - -a true break is when you don't need to know what time it is for anything. Sounds weird, but it's a big relief. A true vacation.

I may even try to do some scrapbooking! What? I know! Haven't done any in so long, I can't even begin to remember what the last thing I did was.

Actually, first I think I'll go outside and water flowers. Yeah, that sounds nice. Aaahh...."nothing" feels so good!

Respect the Motherhood

2009-09-02T09:44:00.003-05:00

Seriously.

I believe that all mothers are "working mothers." And I would never make assumptions about the choices a mother makes for her life. I come from a unique perspective -- in that, my husband and I together make "one" stay at home parent....me in the mornings, him in the afternoons.

But that's not good enough. Somehow I'm still pitted in the "sniff sniff ... you WORK?!? .." corner. Said in the same tone as one might say, "You clean up poop? And LIKE it?"

I don't want to get into the whole Mommy Wars thing here. But can we all agree to stop judging? We all share the same thing: GUILT. Are we doing enough? Are we backing off and giving our children space? Is the laundry done?

We make our own choices -and should not be judged by them. Only WE know why we do the things we do. Don't make assumptions that I can or can NOT participate in something based on what you THINK you know about my life/job/intentions/abilities.

MOMS: we are equal. We love our children. We want what's best for them. We worry. We hover. We make the best decisions we can for the benefit of our entire family.

Respect that.
We should be a united front ... not factions of us vs them. Better vs. adequate.
Open up your tight knit circles of "one type of mom" and allow other moms in. If you tear a mom down, instead of building her up ... you're violating the whole essence of "mom" : Comforter in Chief.

So .... who are YOU judging?
Let it go. Reach out. Show grace. You may find a strong, loyal ally who approaches the caretaking & commitments differently -- but whose ultimate goal is the same. You may see a different perspective on love and balance. And it's ok.

And you might find me. Just a mom trying to make it.

Slow and Steady Wins the Race

2009-07-17T10:49:00.004-05:00

Seriously.
So, no, I don't blog much these days. I'm just really busy - and in the summer, if I'm home, I'm NOT in front of the computer. You can still get quickie updates by watching the Twitter feed at the top of my blog ... I can do that from my phone and any computer .. and the quickie nature of it is perfect. You still get an idea what I'm up to. By the way - if you really "get" Twitter - many of my posts are also at @EPKCTV ... that's my "work" account.

Anyway, as usual, I digress. The other thing that is updated weekly on the top of my blog is my weight loss progress. Yep, that little jogger dude is moving. Today's weigh-in made me so happy -- my goal is SO in sight. It's taken since JANUARY but that crud is coming off. And I really think the way I'm doing it is going to KEEP it off. Today, I'm down 33.4 pounds. The number I saw on the scale was one I had not seen since baby number 2. And goal number one is SO attainable now - only about 12 pounds to go. EASY.

I've decided I'm going to "reward" myself with a personal trainer. Yeah, that doesn't sound like a great reward. But once I meet my first goal ... It will be more about getting in shape and peeling off weight to get me to my "ideal" weight .. rather than "Holy crap you are disgusting and should not be seen in public - fix this now!" And I'd rather go to a personal trainer with a nice starting point ... and I think by the time I hit this first goal, kids will be back to school - and I'll be able to go work out -- which I really have NOT been doing now. Imagine how great this could be if I had some more physical activity??? Even just walking!?!

So yes, this is my quote for this stage in my life. "Slow and Steady Wins the Race" ..don't like someone at work, wait 'em out ... they'll do themselves in ... want something for your home? Slowly save and make it happen ... rushing into things just gets you in trouble. (Sudden weight loss = gaining it back and then some, Arguing with difficult people=gets you no where but in a bad light, and impulse buying puts you in a tight spot when you NEED something important.)

So .. there's a quick update. I'll try to do one on the kids and family life etc soon (ha!).
But now, I'm gonna go out and water my flowers ... slow & steady.

Celebrate your Independence

2009-07-04T12:41:00.003-05:00

Much respect to all who have, are, and will serve this great country. God Bless America.
Enjoy your Independence - and light one for those who gave the ultimate sacrifice for all you enjoy.
-Team Gerding

Well Hello Blogosphere! Here I am!

2009-06-27T15:46:00.003-05:00

I have been super MIA from this blog. It's truly ironic - I get super involved in social media (organizing for my television station, and helping other media/peeps work it) ... and I am completely less social.

Basically, unless you're on Twitter - or occasionally - Facebook, you're probably wondering if I even still exist. Yep! I do. So darn busy. And you know what, with as much time as I spend on the computer, once I am home - it's really the last thing I want to mess with. (Because, you know, I still have access with my phone, which I do obsessively check.)

So...let me catch you up. Where to begin? I've been pulling folks at the TV station (some kicking and screaming) into the social-media-sphere. Seriously folks - get on board the train, or prepare to have it run you over. Some are doing really well .. others still roll their eyes when I mention anything about Twitter...Facebook. It was on the cover of FREAKING Time magazine - it's legit! Twitter reported Michael Jackson waaaay before mainstream media. Anyway, I digress into a journalism discussion - and that should really go on my other blog. Which, too, has been sitting stagnant.

Let's see... let's talk kids. Jack - 9 - is doing really well in baseball this season. He got hit by a pitch once and it took him awhile to stand close to the plate after that - but he seems to be getting that confidence back. He loves watching ESPN and something called something like "MLB TV" or something. He told me a lie yesterday...and we had to go through the whole "you're mostly in trouble because you lied - if you have told the TRUTH it wouldn't have been a big deal." Now, to beat a dead horse, I'm pointing out things like "not sure if I can believe Jack, because he has not been truthful..." What a nag. I'll only do it for a little while longer - while the initial infraction is still fresh.

Kyle. He too is doing really well in baseball. He insists on sliding into every base. I missed a couple slides today - but knew they happened because of the big dust cloud rising from the field. They call him "Kamikaze Kyle" for his wild head-first slides. Makes him happy to get dirty. I'm ok with it ... you're SUPPOSED to get dirty playing sports. He's also recovering from the horrible sunburn from last Sunday. He had second degree burns on both shoulders...and it created two blisters that were the size of ... what? trying to think ... they were FREAKING HUGE. I had never seen blisters like that before. These were "burn victim" blisters. I had used aerosal sunblock .. which was REALLY cool ... so fast and convenient and seemingly like the answer to a parent trying to get three kid lotioned up quick. Not so much. I think it was relatively ok for my dark skinned kids .. but not this fair blondie. Anyway, when the blisters first showed up - we followed tips and tricks from online research and knew not to pop them. But then he was so miserable - and they seemed to be growing, so we decided to check with the doctor. When they told us we'd have to bring him in - I cried the whole way there, because I knew I'd be doing the "walk of shame" and no matter what I said I was the stupid parent who didn't properly protect her child from the sun. And of course, the stupid internet informed me that I had increased his chances for skin cancer like 6-fold. So, now, he'll be wearing his snow suit to the beach.

And then there's Nick. The poor guy who gets dragged to everyone's multiple baseball games. He does play Tball - but only on Saturdays. We didn't go today because I just couldn't pull it off by myself w/conflicting games/etc. Nick asks every night if it is a "work night" - because if it is not, then he gets to sleep in Jack/Kyle's room. The rule used to be it was ok if it was not a school night...then school let out and he thought he'd get to sleep in there EVERY night ... so we needed a new rule. Feel bad for the kid - mom & dad share a room and so do Jack & Kyle ... so can't fault him for wanting to be in on that.

Caught up? Let's pick up from today. We had 10am swim lessons, 11:00am baseball game, 12:15 TBall (skipped) then 1:00pm baseball practice. It's super hot. I was trying to juggle all of them, their various equiptment, plus, of course the over-application of sunblock. (You can imagine how obsessive I am about it NOW) ... and a cooler. Kids were making it difficult - and the heat made it hard to be patient. At baseball practice, I had told Jack there was only ONE way to get into the field and to go in that way ... well of coure, he DIDN'T and I could see him walking ALL the way around the field trying to get in. I could hear his coach telling him to go around .. but then he thought he'd try to climb the fence, a TALL fence. So, I'm watching this from the minivan -- from pretty far away. Getting madder and madder that he just didn't listen to me in the first place. And he's not coming back around to go into the field at the right place. So finally I decide to quickly hop out of the minivan - which I have running to keep us cool -- to yell at him. Halfway there I turn around to see Kyle in the driver's seat. Remember - the car is running. So, I hiss at him and then go after Jack. You know, the "arm yank" and "do you remember what I said to do?? " (But like the hissing - very subtle - so parents don't notice and think I'm one of THOSE parents.) I make him RUN to the right place and tell him he can't stop running 'til he gets to the right place and to then apologize for being late. (I was in mean mode.)
Then I go back to the minivan and give Kyle the "Don't ever ever ever ever sit in the driver's seat. Ever" speech.

I was so angry, I could have picked up the minivan and squashed it in my hands like aluminum foil. And I think if Ryan had been there, it would've diffused some of the crazy. I don't know how single parents do it - especially if there's several kids. It's like herding cats.

But I'm better now. We're better now. Back at home in the A/C. Of course, I can't relax because I am on call and there's a threat of severe weather. AGAIN. We have had a crazy amount of severe weather. And if it gets tornadic or dangerous, I have to go in. But I don't want to talk about that.

Tomorrow is my 12 year wedding anniversary. 12 years. But Ryan is gone on his man weekend. The big, annual summer "Gerding Guys Getaway." It involves his dad and brother, his grandpa, and his dad's brother and two sons. (uncle/cousins, follow me here?) They always go somewhere where they can golf and goof for four days. Often out of state. This time, though, they're down at the Lake of the Ozarks. No kids. No nagging wives. The occasional angry text or call (ME: "WHERE THE F IS THE SUNBLOCK????") Sound nice? Yeah. It is. While I want to be angry he's gone on our anniversary, I'm mostly crazy jealous. And honestly, we BOTH agreed the dates would be ok ... only later did I look and go "HEY - Did you realize that's our anniversary weekend???" So, if you ever wondered, it's at about 12 years when you start forgetting.

So, there's an update on the boys, Ryan, and my day. Me personally? Constantly worrying about whether my job will soon be one of the ones that can be eliminated. We've had cutbacks and layoffs. I'm trying my best to remain relevent. And that means working very hard and stressing. The economy hits TV Stations very hard - because people aren't buying ads. (Especially car companies, as you can imagine.) But enough about that. My "good thing" is that I have managed to lose 29.1 pounds since January. I'm still on track and doing very well. I'm very committed to this. I am getting much closer to my first goal.

And I've actually read a couple books this summer! See -- less computer time lets you do that! (I do it mostly at night. LATE at night.) Looking for my next good read now ... let me know if you have any suggestions. And no, I'm not interested in : "Be a Better Mom: How Not to Burn your Child or Scream at them at Baseball practice." But thanks. I think I've got things under control. Let's see if I can make it through the rest of the weekend without turning into the word-spitting, head-spinning, fist-clinching angry mom-lady. Now, where's that bottle of wine???.....

Happiness is the Great Outdoors ...

2009-05-17T20:29:00.003-05:00

I like living in the 'burbs. Especially on sunny weekends. After hibernating all winter - everyone is outside. Everyone is toiling away on various projects. Maybe it's something simple like mowing -- (I love that sound! And the SMELL of freshly cut grass ... aaaah.) Or maybe folks are refilling flower beds and cleaning out the "dead" of winter.

It's a great feeling. I got to "toil" around the house today while all the boys were at the Royals game. I worked really hard - and got covered in dirt. And it was great. I could see people trading stories between bag changes while mowing ... and giving each other advice on planting this or that...or making fun of the family trying to make major deck improvements in one day. And of course, you could hear the muffled laughter of kids in various yards running off all the cabin fever.

There's something very 'home' about all that. When summer comes, I'm outside every chance I get. I just like to soak it all in. If I'm not "toiling" I'm playing backyard baseball or pushing someone on a swing ... or just reading a magazine with my favorite drink. But I'm also just as happy to sit in my chair swing, and stare at the sky and dream.

THIS is what it's all about. *happy sigh*

As the Dryer Spins: A Clean Tale of Detergent & Determination

2009-05-16T22:15:00.006-05:00

I sit here [ this ] close to falling asleep.

My face is burned from another day of sports. No sunscreen - didn't think of it cuz it was COLD, duh.

I'm listening to my husband install the new dryer we just bought. I'm steering clear of the scene. Too much moving stuff around that could make me antsy.

And now he's come up here and is all happy he's got it installed. Proud of himself. And now asking me why I'm not excited. Why should I be? It's a dryer. I didn't WANT a new dryer, it was sort of forced on me because the other one bit the dust. There's nothing special about it. It's a dryer. It's a big hunk of my disposable income disposed of .. and I would've rather purchased supplies to extend our deck. THAT would make me excited. But noooo .... a dryer made itself a priority. Oh, and we bought it today. The SAME day we took the mini-van in to get the flinging-flanging driver side window fixed. (Cha-Ching!) Sadly, this became quite a priority. It's embarrassing to have to open the door at every drive-thru. I guess we should be more embarrassed about the number of times we hit a drive-thru and NEED that darn window to go down. But, I digress.

Husband is now pouting because of my lack of excitement over the dryer. Seriously? Not sure what I'm missing here. I suppose I could've fake excitement. (I know you're now all expecting me to take the easy joke about faking excitement in other "venues." But, I'm not going for the expected - and remember, I'm [ this ] close to falling asleep.) Anyway, I didn't have the energy to fake it. (Yeah yeah, "That's what she said.")

He has sulked off into another room. So I'm sitting here. Listening to the washer go, because I'm assuming HE was so excited about the new dryer that HE decided to toss a load in the wash. AT 10:00 AT NIGHT . So then HE could go put those things in the dryer and get excited that it was working. Whereas, I'm thinking: He's either A/gonna forget about the clothes in the washer and leave them all night and I'll get to wash them again because I think they get a stale smell if left. or B/he'll move them to the dryer and leave them there all night to wrinkle or C/I will somehow be stuck doing some form of laundry very late on a Saturday night...because I will be annoyed about the potential of options A or B.

So now he's taking a shower. Dummy. It'll soon be cold because he JUST TURNED ON THE WASHING MACHINE. Maybe I should go start the dishwasher and go for the trifecta. That's just mean, huh? Guy takes care of replacing the dead dryer - from purchasing, to installing to -- WHOA. WAIT. NEWS FLASH: HE'S HEADED DOWNSTAIRS. He's SO excited about the dryer he's gone from shower straight to laundry room to move the load over! Looks like option B is our winner. Oh, and now he's back up here loading up MORE dirty clothes to take downstairs. Silly man. Why all the love for this new machine? We DID just buy new hedge clippers today, why aren't they getting any love?

Maybe dryers CAN be exciting. I just did an entire blog play-by-play on one.

Meh.

Sigh

2009-05-05T23:39:00.001-05:00

So I gave this blog a whole new look and got all geared up to be a faithful blogger .. and haven't posted in a bajillion years.

Things are SOOOO busy right now -- too many to-do lists to keep up with.
----
Funny - I started the above last week, and got interupted and am just now getting back to it. Just reinforces how many different directions I've been pulled.
However, my to-do lists have finally gotten smaller.

I hope to get back to blogging regularly. This doesn't count. It's boring.

The Five:
(Feelings)
1. Tired - sugar crash. (Had a TINY piece of cake at work.)
2. Generally upbeat ... for a Monday.
3. Anxious to get home and watch DWTS.
4. Wish I had a pony tail holder. Hair is bugging me.
5. Full.

(Wishes)
1. This weight would fall off faster.
2. I was a better mom in the mornings.
3. It wouldn't rain this week.
4. I was wearing jammies. will be in 30 minutes!
5. All my "to-do's" were 'to done'

The Millions

2009-03-24T20:47:00.002-05:00

Have you seen those word clouds that are popular right now? Basically a jumble of words--with the most "popular" being the biggest in the middle?

Anyway -- I'm in a jumble/whirlwind of stuff to do ... like I'm caught up in a tornado ... here's my word cloud:

school kids laundry TWITTER facebook SOCIAL MEDIA SUMMIT baby shower cleaning CALORIES the daily plate scale haircut dvr'd shows stress family flights vegas RTNDA sleep backpacks bills springclean paint newbathroom blogging copyediting discipline NEWS weather travel LISTS dietdrpepper nocoke WORK love relationships reviews schedules organization specials TIGERS lateshows messes baseball soccer friends

and that's not even everything.

Taking a Break from the Happy for a Moment

2009-03-13T13:34:00.002-05:00

So, I'm here in Lafayette for a funeral.
Let me back up. For the longest time, Ryan and I have had all our grandparents...and for me, that included an "extra" set. My mom's parents divorced and remarried -- but, for all my life, I just had 3 sets of grandparents - didn't know it any other way. Just telling you this for background.

I lost my very special Popaw on September 11, 2007.
And last Saturday, the man I always just called "Red" died. He's my mom's step-dad. He lived in California most of my life. So, I wasn't terribly close to him. My best memories are of talking to him and Grandma on the phone as a kid -- and having him always ask me "You been kissin' dem boys! I know you been kissin' boys!" (Didn't matter if I was 8 or 18.)

So anyway, I've come home for his funeral...and was doing pretty good. Then we get to the cemetery, and outside the mausoleum is a group of men -- old men -- in their American legion uniforms, waiting to salute Red as he's brought in. I am so touched by these older men ... standing in the cold ... waiting to salute this fellow soldier.

Then, we go into the mausoleum, and then back of it is just glass - a big window where you can see out into a pretty grassy area ... and there's men standing there. Again. old American Legion men, in uniform and in formation - - all holding rifles or flags.

And then, one of those men who is on the inside with us, begins a formal flag presentation to Grandma Jane. And it wasn't whispered, like you see in the movies. He talks about a grateful nation, and other patriotic things that have my throat constricting and head pounding, and then hands over the flag on "behalf of the US Government." Wow. You can NOT not cry after seeing that. Then, those men, outside -- still standing proud, but for pete's sake, none younger than 60 standing in the COLD ... gave Red a 5 gun salute.

While I was so proud of those men, and the nation and brotherhood they all stood for -- I couldn't help but wonder ... these men are the last of their generation. Who's going to do this when they're gone?

Too Cute!

2009-03-06T19:02:00.001-06:00

You gotta check out Kyle's experiment - on his blog. www.kyleshomebase.blogspot.com

Oh Happy Discovery!

2009-03-05T12:05:00.007-06:00

Look what I found in the backyard today:

Evidence of Spring!
We found all sorts of buds popping out today too .. but to see actual real flowers made me very happy!! Funny to see these new pics of the boys playing ... compared to the pics in my "fun day" blog from just a couple days ago! From 6 inches of snow ... to taking pics of flowers and swinging!

Thoughts when School Calls

2009-03-03T17:55:00.003-06:00

It's amazing how many thoughts one can have in a matter of seconds. Like today, the phone rang and I looked up to see it was the school. So, in a matter of like 2 seconds - from seeing the Caller ID to lifting up the phone and saying 'hello' I managed to think:
-Who's calling?
-Oh, it's school. I better answer.
-Oh no, it's about Jack. Because of his coughing.
-I feel bad, I knew he was coughing bad. Should he have gone to school?
-Do they think "what kind of parent sends a kid to school with a cough like that"?
-I'll have to go get him.
-Hm. I could use this to my advantage and take a sick dependent day.

I answer. It is Jack. I manage to think a few quick thoughts after he says "Hi Momma" and before he continues:
--It's Jack
--The nurse probably told him to call me so I can assess his "illness" and whether he should come home
--Ok, I'm ready: got my gauge on, let's go.

Then Jack continues, "I have student council tonight so Daddy will need to pick me up."
Now, only ONE thought: YOU CALLED ME TO SAY THAT??
"Yes Jack, Daddy knows. "

It's amazing I can have all those rational thoughts, in rapid succession, and prep myself to handle whatever's coming ... yet, I'll get up from my desk to head to the break room for my dinner and forget what I'm doing and where I'm going half way there.

Fun Day

2009-02-28T18:59:00.011-06:00

Today has been great. Really. Hard to believe I'm saying that with 6.5 inches of snow on the ground. But is has been.

Got up at 8am to watch our snow coverage. I'm on call, so I needed to be on top of it - make sure we were "owning" weather. Show was good. I laid around a little longer, and it wasn't too bad to get up at 8.

Ryan made pancakes - they really hit the spot, then we kind of just laid around a little longer. We had NOTHING in our cabinets -- and really needed to replenish, so Ryan ventured out for a big grocery hit ... and the boys and I lugged out ALL the Play-doh. And they've got quite a collection. We played Play-doh for about 2 hours ... and everyone enjoyed it! I took several pics of them creating and just enjoying us all together in an activity.

After lunch we all put on our winter clothes and snow suits and headed outside. We got the sleds out and the boys all did some sledding down the perfectly sized hill in our front yard. Jack, who never wants to come out to play in the snow, had some new snow pants and actually had some fun. Yes, he was the first to go in, but he stayed out much longer than he usually does.

We then came in -- the house smelled GREAT from the roast Ryan had going in the stove. We made hot chocolate for everyone -- with colored marshmellows and enjoyed that and a big fire to warm up.

Later, we all sat down for a FABULOUS dinner. And now I'm downstairs tinkering with my scrap stuff .. hoping to scrap .. but mostly just organizing. Well, honestly I keep playing around on the computer (obviously) ... but still. I got my website up playing my FAVE songs and am just really enjoying this great snow day. And the evening still awaits!

Recalculating ... Life Lessons from a GPS

2009-02-26T08:11:00.004-06:00

I got my husband a fancy GPS thingy for his birthday. It's portable - but we mostly stick it on the windshield in the car and let it tell us which way to go. The is a very appropriate gift for my directionally challenged husband. (He got lost on our first date.)

What's cool is that this very pleasant voice reminds you of turns ahead and helps navigate the drive. And, she is very patient.

For example, if I had been looking at a map -- or just giving suggestions on our route, and Ryan took a wrong turn (inevitable), I'd probably launch into eye-rolling ... proceeded by huffing ... and the more turned around we get, remind him "I TOLD you to go that way, but nooooo ..."

Not the lady in the GPS. Her tone never changes. And if you make a wrong turn, there's a brief pause, and then she simply says "RECALCULATING." Throw her any curve ball, and the answer is a steady, calm, non-condescending "RECALCULATING."

Imagine if you could work that into how you handle difficult people or situations.
Kid can't find his shoes and you need to be walking out the door NOW? You could yell and scream, or pause: RECALCULATING. Get your wits about you and find the shoes.

Time to head out the door and you go to the kitchen to find same kid covered in Sketti-O's? First instinct: FLIP OUT. But instead: RECALCULATING. New shirt. Move on.

Or at work. Work all day on a special project or idea, present it with high hopes, then get told -- "that's not what we had in mind." Heartbreak? Pout? Discouraged? RECALCULATING. Ok, what do I need to do to meet their expectations? Adjust. Adapt. Recalculate.

If we could all have the patience and ability to adjust -- like the calm lady in the GPS, the road we're traveling would probably still be bumpy ... but the ride would be easier.

flingin' flangin'....#@#!%%

2009-02-21T17:17:00.002-06:00

still working on the redo. can't get the header "just right" - it's all squished in the middle instead of spread out across the top. my eyes are starting to cross. i need to do something else for awhile. you know i'm fried when i'm not capitalizing my sentences or my "i'"'s. that's fried.

Seriously?

2009-02-20T10:28:00.003-06:00

So, I had lost my first 10 pounds and rewarded myself with this new raincoat. I LOVE it. My husband saw it and backed away -- not a fan I guess. (Rolling eyes.) But I not only bought the jacket -- I bought a matching umbrella and ..... this hat. (I considered the knee high rubber boots that are all the rage too, but resisted.) Ok, so that hat. The model was wearing it in the picture - and it looked so cute. But, she must have had like a cantalope on top of her head or something. Because, no matter HOW I put it on -- this is what I get. So, it's either made for Marge Simpson ... or that dude from Fat Albert, and I need eye holes.

Ryan flipped up the bottom flaps ... and it looks more like a sailor hat. He liked that, but I'm not sure. That's NOT how the model had it on. And if I try to shift it back a bit, like a jaunty hat, or up and back, it just falls back down again and I'm blind.

Oh well. I'll figure something out. And by the way - today I'm celebrating hitting a 15 pound weightloss. Maybe I'll reward myself with a cantalope.

I AM Awesome.

2009-02-13T17:37:00.003-06:00

I am awesome.

I am super mom.

Today I did my weigh-in and have now achieved an 11 pound weight loss. Good milestone. I was feeling good. Because I am awesome. Focus on the word "was."

I purchased all the "parts" for the craft for Kyle's V'tines party. That's enough for all three kindergarten classes. I did not seek reimbursement. I wanted to donate.

I cut out all the pieces for the craft, and put them in sandwich bags so everyone could just have a pre-cut ready to assemble craft - grab your bag and go. Enough for all three kindergarten classes. I am awesome.

I made 6 posters with the teachers' black and white pictures blown up and decorated like "valentine princesses" ... 2 for all three classes so the classes could divide up and have two games of pin-the-lips on the V'Tine princess going at once. I hand drew and cut 60 lips for the game. I am awesome.

I created bingo cards for all three classes ... in color and on cardstock. I made the calling cards and provided bingo prizes for all three classes. I am awesome.

I put together the party like a newscast rundown - timing each activity and planning for transitions from one fun thing to the next. I was prepared for extra students, accidents, diversions, and had Plans B, C and D.

I took the day off. I went to the school. I pulled off the party like no one's business. I had instructions for the parents to follow so they could see what was happening next and how they could help. The parents were happy. The teacher was happy. The kids were happy.

And from all of that, I should FEEL awesome. But one moment, one fleeting second, one sidebar, offline, out of sync moment is what rings with me now.

As I started the party, I hear one of Kyle's friends say to him: "Your mom is too fat."

Awesome.

Wednesday Woe is Me

2009-02-04T10:45:00.002-06:00

It's one of those days. Nothing in particular is bothering me. I'm not sad or mad or anything like that. Just feeling ..... like mush. I'd like to grab a blanket and curl up in silence. Maybe read a book ... or snooze. In quiet. Maybe I'm over stimulated and need a break.

It'd be great to have a full day to do nothin'. No compulsion to clean or get caught up on whatever -- just do NOTHING.

Maybe that's a good descriptor of my mood: nothing.
Inspirational, huh?

Happy February

2009-01-30T09:48:00.003-06:00

No -- this isn't the blog re-do I was talking about. It's just some temporary happiness.

I love when February rolls around and I can enjoy colors I'm not normally around. So, Happy Love Month. I'm gettin' my pink on!

Friday

2009-01-30T09:31:00.003-06:00

Hello Friday.

I'm doing some quick picking up around the house ... then I gotta skeedaddle the second Kyle gets on the bus. I have to go to work early for four hours of management/leadership training. Four. Hours.

This is part two. We did part one a month or two ago. Also four hours. The guy who does the training is pretty good. But does it stick?

Anyhooooo....it's Friday and I told have to get up super early for a Jack basketball game, because he's going to a day long baseball camp. Yeah! It totally messes with me to have to get up early on a Saturday. We still have afternoon basketball ... but that's much easier to endure.

And Ryan and I have a date night planned! Yeeeeeee! I think he wants to see Slumdog Millionaire ... I'd be happy to see ANYTHING.

We're planning to go all out for the Super Bowl. I love watching football. I can watch ANY teams. And it will be fun to put together a big counter full of food and just graze all afternoon while watching the game.

Good weekend ahead!

Birthdays & Beyond

2009-01-28T10:10:00.002-06:00

Crazy birthday season is now wrapping up. Nick kicks it off with a pre-Christmas birthday on the 22nd of December ... then there's Christmas ... then Kyle on Jan 10 and Jack on Jan 17 and my dad in the middle there on Jan 12 .... and Ryan's birthday was yesterday. Whoo!

I got Ryan a Garmin GPS thingy for the car. He got lost on our first date. He's a bit directionally challenged ... so it's a perfect gift, and fun. Now he has "another woman" telling him what to do all the time. (The voice in the GPS - come on, follow me here.)

Ryan and I are still going to go on a birthday date this weekend, and it's been a LONG time since we've had a date night. It will be a nice relaxing getaway.

So ... I'm going back and forth on whether to start a big house project ... or agree to MOVE. Which is less costly? Or makes more sense. Yes, the house we're in now seems to be shrinking around us .. but I think I can make it work for a little while longer. But I need some change.
I really want to paint our living room ... but can't do it myself because of the gigantic vaulted ceilings. I also want to put new cabinets and appliances in the kitchen .. and I want to paint our bathroom and put in a new sink/vanity. How's that for big projects?

I think it's the 2 year itch. Back when I was chasing dreams and bopping from TV station to TV station climbing ladders .. we'd move just about every two years. And once we stopped moving, I'd still get the "2 year itch." I can usually satisfy it with some "change"....new furniture ... some paint .. something fresh and new. But the change I need now is bigger. And much more expensive!

I'd love to launch into these projects and have them done before summer - because nothin' keeps me inside in the summer! I move my projects outside. (Oh yes, we WILL be extending our deck this spring!!!)

So:
--Paint living room w/high walls
--Redo kitchen cabinets appliances
--Redo Master Bath
--Extend deck

Or move?

Ok - another variable. Attachment to the house. I totally understand the concept of "sweat equity" now. Plus - this is our first home .. and it was a long time coming and a really big deal when we finally got it. So, yeah, it's got some great sentimental value. And Ryan and Co. built the fence in the back .. and the jungle gym stuff ... (I INSIST it comes with us when it moves because "daddy" built it, Ryan rolls his eyes.) Anyway, you get the idea. It's not something I can "save" and stick in a scrapbook. So, there's more to moving than just the fear the darn house won't sell.

How's that for a random blog? Well, I'm back and will try to blog more often. Oh - -and as part of all that change I'm "itchin' " for ... I'm totally gonna overhaul this blog .. it needs a new look.

Aaaahh....creative projects!

All RIGHT Already

2009-01-25T11:08:00.004-06:00

Maricar's been pestering me to blog. It's not enough that I wrote a big ol' long thing in my Facebook .... nooooo .... I have to blog too.

Let's see .. things I love right now:

1. Guitar Hero. I seriously can NOT stop playing it. When I first tried it, I tried it on Jack's DS and thought it was stupid. (read; too hard) Then we got it on Wii - and it was still hard, but I finally figured it out ... and it really does feel like you are jamming. The only thing - I feel a LITTLE bad that I'm rockin' out to Beastie Boys and they're yelling something about "in the back skeezin' a whore" and "autograph pictures of classy hoes." I try hard not to sing along when the boys are around.

2. Fires in the fireplace. The smell, the warmth, the crackle....

3. Sweat pants. No bra.

4. Sunday and we AINT. GOIN'. NO WHERE. My apologies to God, we're missing church A-GAIN...but He knows me ... and knows not being in church doesn't mean we're not connected. But yes, we'll get in the habit again. Probably when those 9am Saturday basketball games go away.

5. I am seriously loving that Nick is no longer in a car seat with the buckling and annoying stuff. He's been approved to move up into booster. Which means, soon, all three will be buckling themselves in. LOVE THAT. I hate all the rigamarole with car seats. I think it's another one of the many signs you are done having children - excited about milestones like this. I also love that he's now in a clean seat. Give that a week.

6. I love that February is almost here ... and spring will be just around the corner. Whoot Whoot!

7. I love that all my scrapbook stuff is now organized and in one place .. now I just need to GET. TO. IT. Maybe today. Hell, I might already be on track to do it, if I had not stopped to BLOG.

HA.

8. I'm thankful for friends to nag me to blog.

MIA

2009-01-16T10:10:00.003-06:00

Yeah, yeah, I'm not responding to emails ... updating my blog ... I'm boring/rude. Blah blah.

I'll get back on the wagon soon. But not this week.

I plan to revamp this blog once I DO get back in the swing of things. Hang in there.

Nick Pics - Bday

2008-12-24T12:57:00.001-06:00

Check 'em out on our main website --
www.TheGerdings.com

He's 4.

2008-12-23T01:08:00.002-06:00

Nick turned four today. Ok, technically yesterday, since it's 1 in the morning.

This means we've officially moved out of babies/toddlers. There are none. Everyone is potty trained. Everyone is pretty self-sufficient. Everyone sleeps in normal size beds. Everyone can play in the back yard without constant supervision/help getting on stuff. Everyone can put their own clothes on - including shoes. Everyone can help put things away.

Four. Yes, that's a big leap from 3. Just like when Jack went from 6 to 7 .. that seemed like a big leap too.

Nick had so much fun - he liked "ripping" his presents (as he called it.) And just loved everything he received. He loved blowing out his candles and having cake and ice cream. It was very fun just to watch how excited he was with every part of his birthday.

In a surprise move, he decided he needed to wear one of his many spiderman costumes. He was a hoot in the costume - coupled with the spiderman hat.

He's four. Wow. And that's that. We're evolving our family. Next month Kyle turns 6 and Jack turns 9 . I feel the same -- but they keep changing and getting tall and saying stuff that's unexpected ... but means they're getting older and "getting it."

Four.

'Tis the Season for GIVING.

2008-12-11T10:26:00.002-06:00

I recently wrote this as an email to grandparents - -thanking them for pledging money so the boys could do a charity walk .. and after reading it, thought a good chunk sounded like a nice blog. So here it is:
---
It’s good for them to get involved with the “giving” part of Christmas. We’re really trying to get across the real meaning – that God gave his greatest gift to us .. and that’s why we give on Christmas. We’ve been trying to get the right answer when we ask what Christmas is about. Kyle, of course, wanted to know if Santa was in Bethlehem. We told him no, but that Santa is carrying out the Spirit of giving that began that day in Bethlehem. It was a good opportunity to push the “Santa is the Christmas Spirit” idea … for when someone starts to have doubts.

Anyway, back to giving: Jack – who, I don’t think we’ve mentioned – ran for and was elected to Student Council – got to go shopping for a 5 year old in need. He was really happy to pick out things he thought the child would like. I’m glad he got to have that experience – and without a nagging parent as the person pushing him to be involved.

We’ve also explained, that this is why we take turns opening gifts on Christmas morning – because we’ve put heart and effort into making special purchases, and the pay-off is getting to see the recipient’s reaction. (And the suspense is a kick too!) They get very excited when they’ve made a gift at school – and can’t wait for us to open it … and get so excited to see our reaction. When we reminded them that it’s like that, they seemed to get it.

Our boys are growing up! And we’re so proud that they’re starting to get it. Of course, they’ll still be raving lunatics Christmas morning.
Baby steps.

Random

2008-12-01T10:17:00.001-06:00

Random stuff today.

First. I really love having time off. I love catching up on home projects -- or just reading a book. You know how long it's been since I've sat down with a book? I know. Late July. And basically - late July/Early August when we go to Hilton Head and I sit on the beach for a week (or the travel time in the car) is the only time I seem to have time to read. But this 4 day weekend, I picked up a book. I would do a "chore" then reward myself with a chapter. Soon, I decided I deserved to just sit and read. It was awesome. We had a fire in the fire place, and Ryan had apple cider in the crock pot - it made the house smell sooooo good ... it was very cozy.

I'm reading Twilight.
TOTALLY NOT a book I would have chosen for myself. I had heard the premise ... and the hype. And it's just not something I've ever been interested in. The whole Vampire thing has never been a draw for me - in TV/Movies or books. But one of Ryan's co-workers gave it to him and insisted he make me read it. And weirdly - on the very same day -- I watched as someone did that to one of my co-workers. She started reading it and told me the next day she was up 'til 3am because she couldn't put it down. I was still resistant. I finally picked it up Sunday. And putting it down is hard. It IS kind of a teeny-bopper book - but it's still addicting. So, I'm now one of THOSE people reading THAT book. And I LIKE it.

Switching gears ... I've almost got all the Christmas decorations up. It's nice to do it in stages, rather than all at once with the tree like I normally do. We'll get a tree next weekend. I'm off today - and can't wait 'til Kyle gets on the bus. I'm going to try to get Nick down for a nap and either take a nap myself, get some stuff done, or just read!

I love this time of year. I wish I could take all of December off so I could just soak it in. I love just enjoying the season. I love going to Cmas parties and shows. We saw Trans Siberian Orchestra Saturday. It was something else. Lots of lights and pyrotechnics. Pretty wild - and we enjoyed it. Later in the month we'll go to "Rockettes Christmas."

Well, that's enough random for now.
I have a book to read!

Happy Thanksgiving

2008-11-26T23:52:00.002-06:00

I've been hit by a bus. It's been a rough sweeps...and it ended with me using every last brain cell to write a 4:25 piece on Black Friday deals. Ya'll know how much I get along with numbers. My brain is mush.

But it's back in action tomorrow - for 3 hours of straight live Plaza Lights coverage. Doh!

I'd considered doing Black Friday shopping -- but I may completely crash out.

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone. I'm thankful for you ... and I'll be VERY thankful for 7pm thanksgiving evening when my wheels peel out of the parking lot of work and I head home for a 4 day weekend to attempt to recuperate.

blah.

Saturday

2008-11-22T12:36:00.003-06:00

Well, 5 more days of sweeps. (If you include the wknd.) It appears we may lose. So, all this work and stress ... for a disappointing loss.

And there won't even be the relief of sweeps being over, because THE. VERY. NEXT. DAY. we'll do freakin' 3 hours of Plaza Lights coverage. (Yeah, the ONE year Thanksgiving is NOT in Sweeps -- and we take over the Plaza Lights.) Doh!

I'm not complaining ... so much as I am just worn out. Luckily, I have a four day weekend coming. It's jammed packed, and some stress has presented itself with some unexpected changes to our plans ... but I'm still looking forward to sign off of the Plaza Lights and me hitting the road for a BREAK.

We're going to see Transiberian Orchestra Saturday night. I can't wait. I wish I could go up on stage and conduct the Bell Chorus or whatever it's called. I always pump that song up in the car and wave my arms like I'm conducting. I probably look like a raving loon - but I love it.

Well. That's enough random for now. How 'bout some five?
THE FIVE:
Feelings:
1. Full. Taco Bell. Blech
2. Tired. Darn early basketball.
3. Whatever the feeling is that describes the desire to get a bunch a stuff done. But the tired feeling is holding it back.
4. Comfy. No bra day. Sweats on. Not leaving house. ( :
5. Ack ... more of number 3. I gotta get Christmas lists organized this weekend. Ack.

Wishes:
1. I could take a nap -- BUT -- not lose any time from my wknd.
2. The Christmas lists were already organized
3. It was colder (yes, I really said that) so we could have a fire all day.
4. I wish my four day wknd was now. Then I could take that nap!
5. I wish I could figure out the draw to Guitar Hero. I find it hard and not fun -- but Jack and Daddy are all over it.

AAaaah....Saturday.

7 Random Things

2008-11-16T12:15:00.002-06:00

I don't feel like blogging. But I do feel like being random....and a while back folks ask me to do the 7 random things blog they were doing. So....7 random things about me:

1. I was the first girl born on the Hicks side of the family in 112 years.

2. I don't like anything (except clothes) to touch my knees.

3. I'm watching iCarly right now. I can't help it.

4. Regarding food: I generally don't like hard things in my soft things. Example: carrots in jello. Wrong. Chocolate m-n-ms or bits or whatever in ice cream. Blech. It's too frozen. Oh, and I don't like stuff to touch stuff on my plate. And yes, I do eat things one at a time, and have never understood why that's weird.

5. I like thin crust Domino's pizza with pepperoni, mushrooms and extra cheese.

6. I only HATE/WILL *NOT* eat two foods: raisins, and sweet potatos. There are other foods I don't really like, but would still eat. Those two - never, ever, ever, ever. And YES I can detect a raisin in anything and will spit it at you if you try to deceive me.

7. I have a piece of lead from a pencil in my face, right under my eye. You can see it if you look - -a little gray spot.

How's that for random? Pretty food heavy - but it's lunch time. Ta - ta!

GO VOTE!!

2008-11-04T09:08:00.002-06:00

I'll be working a double today and late into the night ... I hope it's exciting!

What a Day

2008-11-01T21:10:00.002-05:00

I'm so pooped, I won't go into details right now ... but we did our first ever "rush a bleeding gory kid to the ER" experience.

Bottom line: kid will be ok, a little mangled right now, but nothing permanent. Sheesh.

Good Day

2008-10-25T23:11:00.006-05:00

Well, it didn't start off so hot. Ryan got me out of bed at 7am ... and I proceeded to bundle up in several layers of clothing for an 8am soccer tournament. Once I was completely dressed and we had all the kids bundled ... we got a call that soccer was cancelled because of all the rain. DOH! I went back to bed. That was nice. But then we'll have to do it all again next weekend. Blech.

This afternoon we went to the pumpkin patch. The weather was perfect and the boys were all old enough to run around and enjoy it. No one was afraid of the animals or too scared to go down the slide .. or even need assistance on any of the playground stuff.

We chose to forgo the train ride this year, and instead took the hayride for the first time out to the pumpkin patch. (We normally just pick from the already picked pumpkins.) It was a nice ride and the pumpkin patch was so pretty ... bright pops of orange in a brown field.

We came home and had a really nice dinner .... then the boys helped "gut" their pumpkins, then drew on them and daddy and I carved them. They look great! Now we're just chillin'.

A perfect day...festive...and good family time. *sigh* See more pics on http://www.thegerdings.com/.

there's a new poll question!!

2008-10-14T23:57:00.001-05:00

Too Many Spinning Plates.

2008-10-14T23:48:00.003-05:00

1. Producing shows AND doing my actual job.

2. Finishing the re-done basement to get my scrap area functional - and the rest of the room in shape.

3. Main computer is down at home. BIG MESS. BIG PAIN. BIG ANNOYANCE. BIG INCONVENIENCE.

4. Planning KG Halloween party as head room mom and annoyed with other folks not just letting me be.

5. Have renegotiated my contract. But have not yet seen it.

6. Keeping house.

7. Interacting w/kids. More than yelling at them to "JUST EAT" and "STOP THAT!" or "HURRY UP." And my all time favorite, laced with guilt "NOT NOW!"

8. Garage. Cleaned it organized it then ruined it w/stuff from basement room for re-do.

9. Not getting good sleep.

10. Trying to get a cold. Managed to avoid Kyle's strep.

11. Wish I had time to go get some pumpkins and pretty mums to put on the front porch area.

So, I really want to just curl up in my bed and sleep -- for a loooong time. And then have a day to myself to catch up.

What a bunch of whining.

Busy

2008-10-03T10:37:00.002-05:00

Funny, I'm too busy hovering over kids to read the book about how to not hover over your kids. heh heh.

I thought I drop a fast blog .. but I keep getting distracted by yo-gabba-gabba on Nick Jr. Ever seen that show? It's so weird it's fascinating. And the kids actually DO get up and do whatever they're doing. Then I have "Wiggle wiggle wiggle Jump ... hooooold stiiiiilllll .... wiggle wiggle wiggle jump" stuck in my head all day.

I'm getting out Halloween decorations. Did one bin yesterday. Doing another bin today. Kinda hard to do since the basement's so messed up right now as we prepare for a "re-do". I have GOT to get painting and get that out of the way.

Ok .. back to the bins. Happy Friday!!!!

Kids: Social Achievement

2008-09-27T18:46:00.003-05:00

Interesting thoughts from first part of Chapter 1 in "A Nation of Wimps."

It used to be that kids got their social status from their parents. Now parents get THEIR social status from kids!

Parents these days don't feel comfortable leaving their children with someone else for 2 hours. TWO HOURS! It talks about how if the child isn't in the mother's laser sights for every second ... they believe they will somehow be psychologically damaged among other things.

INTERESTING~! Ever felt like you needed to take your kids to gymboree cuz that's what everyone else does? Or you need to be seen at the soccer field? I don't think I've gotten quite sucked into that ... yet. BUT --

I do know I've worried about my kids with other people. I HATE when they come home from somewhere and their manners or behaviors are all out of whack. (Saying things like "whatever" or "gimme that" or talking with their mouth full because the ADULTS they were with don't set good examples or have ANY boundaries.) But at the same time, I do understand that we NEED a break from each other. It's best for everyone.

The book talks about how much kids need normal every day PLAY ... but parents are always interfering. I'm getting better about that. Just go outside. Our backyard is fenced in .. I don't need to be hovering over them. And Jack and Kyle are allowed to go to other houses .. Jack is supposed to be watching out for Kyle. I just need to turn off the TV/Computer more, I think.

So ... so far so good. I just need to continue to reinforce what Daddy and I consider acceptable manners/behavior so that when they do go elsewhere - they can withstand bad examples and just know better.

A Nation of Wimps

2008-09-25T08:44:00.003-05:00

That's the name of a book I'm reading now. It totally goes along with something I've been meaning to blog (bitch about) for a long time now.

I have really noticed, in my work, and some social situations a HUGE problem with the new generation of young people. Pure ENTITLEMENT. They think they should be hired for the big shows ... right out of school .... and get all the perks of a more senior employee. They think they can take time off to get their teeth whitened .. or because their boyfriend is SAD. They've never had anyone tell them they've done something wrong, so when you try to point out errors and poor performance, they simply don't know how to handle it - and worse yet, don't have the common sense to know to shape up fast, or they'll be fired. There's no fear. They don't think they should have to work the crappy hours or extra days to move ahead. They don't want to put in extra time to move ahead. They want it all served up on a silver platter. It's driving me crazy.

And you know who the problem is? Parents. Specifically these parents who fall under this term I love: helicopter parents. You know, they hover over every thing a child does. What's worse, they not only hover, but they remove all obstacles, sources of "pain" and chances to learn about LIFE. They "interfere" in ways my generation and older would be MORTIFIED about .. like calling bosses and college professors. I had a parent email me to ask me to approve her child's -- my employee's -- vacation time. Now, I was talking to some recent grads who tell me I shouldn't hold it against the employee, because often when parents do this -- the student/employee has no idea it's happening. I'll give them that. Still, come on!

Ok. Here's the kicker. The big wham-o. The irony. The disappointing truth. I find myself doing it. I'm part of the problem!! I don't think I'm as "crazy" as many (most) parents worrying about every little thing and wanting to do everything for them. But I do have in my head things that "hurt" me in whatever way growing up, and try to prevent that.

Were we all raised so HORRIBLY that we've got to change EVERYTHING in how we parent to not repeat the same mistakes?? I think now, in comparison, the answer is no - because I am so much better at handling "life" than these younger folks. But of course, as we parent, we must think "yes." I will never yell at my children in public, or fight with my husband in public, and I don't ever want my kids to feel "inferior" because they don't have the right clothes, toys or activities. Yikes! So I give them everything ... and they don't appreciate it. Bad move that's hard to fix.

Anyway ... this book nails it. It talks about how we do so much to protect our kids now that they become psychologically fragile. They don't know how to deal with disappointment or hurt - because they've never been able to learn to cope on their own. YES!

They NEED to fight with other kids. They NEED to lose a game and not get a trophy. They NEED to get a bad grade. They NEED to be told: you're not doing a good job. (God forbid!) How else will they get that "feeling" that helps them -- pushes them - to want to do better next time? (I can't help but wonder what the future of sports will be like with all these kids who can't get hurt...!)

The book has statistics on the skyrocketing number of college students who are binge drinking and needing counseling at school because they can't cope. And this whole "self mutilation" thing that's growing among kids is part of THIS problem.

So, I've just read the introduction so far. I'm really hoping I can get some guidance as to help my kids be STRONG ... INDEPENDENT and understand the concept of WORKING HARD -- ON YOUR OWN....being a SELF-STARTER. And how I can land the helicopter and let them fly on their own.

I'll keep you posted.

The Eye Twitch

2008-09-17T23:48:00.002-05:00

My eye twitch is back. I had it last fall ... when I was struggling with work stuff - mostly scheduling - and such .. and apparently not getting enough sleep.
It eventually went away ... not really sure when. It was a twitch that would happen every few minutes! So much so that I would google it to see if it meant I was about to have a stroke or something. But, everything said: too much caffeine, not enough sleep. Yep.

And it's back. Same scenario. Ryan's helping on Monday and Friday by putting Jack on the bus....but it's still not enough sleep. And my Coke drinking has escalated lately.

It's annoying. I wonder if people can see it. I don't think so .. but it's distracting. And weird! It's weird! So, what am I doing? Blogging instead of sleeping. Dummy.

Email Blog

2008-09-10T12:36:00.001-05:00

Testing email blogging.

Twitter Updates from the JSchool

2008-09-10T10:56:00.002-05:00

I'll be twittering while attending the JSchool celebrations ...
My twitters will update here at the top.

BUT You can also follow EVERYONE talking about the celebration by going to:

search.twitter.com and searching #mizzou

Those of you new to twitter, a pound sign before a word sends that twitter to a "feed," for lack of a better word, of all twitters related to that subject. So, if you're interested in discussion or whatever of that subject, you'll find it there.

'burg, here I come!

I Believe in the Profession of Journalism

2008-09-10T10:26:00.002-05:00

BTW - I'm not hating people as much this week.

I'm preparing now (actually I'm not, I'm blogging) but soon I'll start packing and getting ready to go spend 4 days in Columbia. I'm going to the big 2008 Centennial/Dedication for the JSchool at the University of Missouri. MU's JSchool was the FIRST in the world, and hands down, the best. (Oh yes, I'm proud and not afraid to be one of THOSE MU people. I've earned it baby.)And they've just added on this huge building, called the Donald W. Reynolds Journalism Institute and will dedicate it this Friday in a big ceremony. http://rji.missouri.edu/

So .. JSchool alum from all over and community leaders and just fans of the school are converging on campus this week for a huge event. It's a big damn deal.(http://journalism.missouri.edu/2008/).

I'm looking at it as an opportunity to cleanse. We always call good journalism - the kind you learn at Mizzou -- journalism with a capital "J." Well, when you get out in the real world, try as you might, that J tends to shrink. It's been terribly ironic for me -- because I went out into the world and touted my "BIG J" and could usuallly bend folks toward me. I was quite righteous about it too! I often became the "ethics gauge" in the newsroom. But soon, you learn the economics of journalism...and having to give viewers want they want...and you "adjust" your values a bit. My "BIG J" is trampled on, dirty, and certainly not capitalized anymore. But it's not just me.

Have you noticed how certain networks are now considered the "conservative" one ... and the "liberal" one? I'm thinking of two cable networks in particular. What the heck? I thought journalism was "we report-- you decide" (not so, I guess for the network that uses that tagline.) You're not supposed to be able to tell if reporters or anchors "lean" a certain way. You're supposed to get objective coverage. But it's become glaringly evident this election. Even Saturday Night Live spoofs the ga-ga attitudes some "journalists" have toward a certain candidate. That's crazy! That's NOT journalism. Those folks need to be stripped of their jobs, tarred and feathered....or at least just called "analysts." They're NOT journalists.

Oh the shame. But there are people out there who still want to get it right. Or, who maybe, like me ... just need a "cleansing." I can still give the viewers what they want, and maintain ratings to keep us in business, and make sure I've lived within the standards of a journalist.

Wow. See. That's just how GOOD my JSchool is. I'm already cleansing -- and I haven't left my home yet. Just thinking about "from whence I came" is getting me back on track.
Yeah, I still believe.
-------------------------------------------------
I believe in the profession of journalism.

I believe that the public journal is a public trust; that all connected with it are, to the full measure of their responsibility, trustees for the public; that acceptance of a lesser service than the public service is betrayal of this trust.

I believe that clear thinking and clear statement, accuracy and fairness are fundamental to good journalism.

I believe that a journalist should write only what he holds in his heart to be true.

I believe that suppression of the news, for any consideration other than the welfare of society, is indefensible.

I believe that no one should write as a journalist what he would not say as a gentleman; that bribery by one's own pocketbook is as much to be avoided as bribery by the pocketbook of another; that individual responsibility may not be escaped by pleading another's instructions or another's dividends.

I believe that advertising, news and editorial columns should alike serve the best interests of readers; that a single standard of helpful truth and cleanness should prevail for all; that the supreme test of good journalism is the measure of its public service.

I believe that the journalism which succeeds best -- and best deserves success -- fears God and honors Man; is stoutly independent, unmoved by pride of opinion or greed of power, constructive, tolerant but never careless, self-controlled, patient, always respectful of its readers but always unafraid, is quickly indignant at injustice; is unswayed by the appeal of privilege or the clamor of the mob; seeks to give every man a chance and, as far as law and honest wage and recognition of human brotherhood can make it so, an equal chance; is profoundly patriotic while sincerely promoting international good will and cementing world-comradeship; is a journalism of humanity, of and for today's world.

THE JOURNALIST'S CREED
--WALTER WILLIAMS, 1ST DEAN OF THE WORLD'S FIRST SCHOOL OF JOURNALISM
UNIVERSITY OF MISSOURI 1908-1935

WTF?

2008-09-05T23:37:00.002-05:00

What's the deal with people these days?
Really.
Seriously.
Ok, this post is too much like my last one ... but I'm restricted because my blog is not private. And that's annoying, cuz I'd love to just stand on the mountain top and sing-it-sista.

But I won't. Oh well, I suppose this too shall pass.
Morons.

People.

2008-09-04T23:27:00.001-05:00

I'm tired of people.
Whining, bitching, annoying, slacking, sniveling, stupid people.

That's all.

Ok, So it Wasn't a One Day Job

2008-08-30T19:09:00.003-05:00

We're calling it a day. We've put everything back into the garage -- and now it's a mess. But a more organized mess! And tomorrow, it will be much easier to deal with. We bought hooks, a new closet thingy, a new toy organizer and such to keep things in place better. It's already just so much better. I had like 20 hundred shoe boxes I was "saving" -- which have come in handy for Valentine's Day and other school projects. I managed to pair that down significantly ... and also parted with a lot of other "junk" I was saving for silly reasons. So we've got a big ol' trash pile and big ol' donate pile.

Now - my funny story I mentioned in the previous post:

This man and woman start driving real slow toward our house. I'm thinking -- they think I'm having a garage sale and are scoping me out. I start working to make it clear I'm organizing/cleaning. They slow down more. I looked at them -- and try again to give the "move on" signals. Then they STOP .. the man gets out and pulls out his wallet. The woman gets out and comes around to him and takes money. She then WALKS TOWARD ME. I immediately say: "I am not having a garage sale - just cleaning out." She goes -- kind of snippy -- "Oh, I know." Ok - here's the best part: she's like Indian or Pakistani or something and turns and speaks that language to her husband. (I point that out only because I prob could have understood Spanish or French.) Then proceeds to walk down the street. And I'm thinking: Lady, you speak any secret language you want... I KNOW you just told him, "I'm going to walk down the street so I don't look like an idiot and pretend like I was going somewhere else." He is like the dumb husband who just follows orders -- gets in the car and slowly follows her as she walks IN THE STREET, down the street -- not even on the side where's there's a sidewalk. Looking completely out of place. I sort of roll my eyes and get back to work. (I mean geez *I* should be the one embarrassed w/all the crap and mess!) I look down the street, and hubby has stopped. She walks up to the car - then see's I'm looking - and THEN WAVES OFF THE HUSBAND and walks down the street some more. Dude the gig is up! Get in the car! Crazy.

The "This isn't fun anymore" Break

2008-08-30T17:33:00.003-05:00

5:30. Still a bunch of stuff outside. Inside is looking great - but my feet are killing me and I can't think anymore. It's overwhelming. I'm pooped and gross and tired of dead June bugs. Ick.

Funny story about lady who thought we were having a garage sale - but then pretended she didn't ... too tired to tell it now. Will after I get my second wind.

Lunch Break

2008-08-30T12:13:00.003-05:00

I posted my last blog then headed straight outside to start taking everything out of the garage. Now everything is out (and our front yard looks like a tornado hit a garage sale). We're taking a lunch break. So, that's like 2 and a half hours just to take the stuff out!! Wow.

Funny moment ... of course, kids are re-discovering toys as we're pulling stuff out .. and one is this kind of pop up thing -- it pops open and you can throw balls into it ... and Nick is trying to figure out how to pop it open and what it is... and he, in the correct tone and everything, says: "What the hell is this?"

Ryan and I both pause in our various states of carrying stuff and look at each other like - did he, yeah, he did ... keep movin'. Of course, there's the quick "You're the one who says that!" "No you are." argument ... then we just laugh.

Quick Funny

2008-08-30T09:23:00.002-05:00

So, bless my husband. He does all the grocery shopping ... and occasionally, I ask him to pick up some "feminine" items for me.

Well, also on the list was what I call "goop" -- the boys have been in to having their hair kinda spikey, and I needed some gel .. .so I put that on the list and they were excited about getting "goop."

My husband hard started looking for it (if you know my husband, you understand he has no need for hair products and had some trouble finding gel.) So he is in the kind of "drug store" area of the store, and decides to get MY stuff since he can't find the goop - and go back to look again -- and tells the boys -- we'll get your goop in a minute.

So, he gets my stuff, puts it in the cart, and proceeds to go look for goop. Suddenly, Nick, who is in the cart, whips out a tampon - holds it up and yells, "Daddy -- Daddy is this goop??" Ryan is like -- no, no - put it back. Then of course, Kyle wants to know "What is that??" Ryan is like, don't worry about it, let's go look for goop. Then Nick grabs the package of pads, hold them high over his head "Daddy -- is THIS goop?"

Daddy -- "No - put it down." Nick -- still holding it up over his head - "But what is it, what is this daddy?"

I have a feeling I may need to get my own stuff in the future.

Haahahahahahaaahaaaa.......

Yeah 3 Day Wknd!

2008-08-30T09:14:00.002-05:00

And to celebrate, we're going to spend the entire day cleaning the garage! ha ha. We're both actually looking forward to it - it's a disaster and I've been so much better about getting RID of stuff .. this is good!

He's gonna smoke ribs so we can have a nice dinner tonight before watching the game...(Go Tigers!)

And we'll probably go to the big new Lee's Summit pool and officially end the summer. Waaaah!!!

I'm recovering from a tough week ... Thursday especially ... at 5:45 the ND comes over to me to say the Chiefs game we're showing is delayed because of weather. Which, was going to mess with CBS live coverage of the DNC, and we'd have to do plan B for showing Barack's speech. So, I take this in and go back to work. She's like -no - hello - look at me -- we have to FILL. So, we were not going to do a 6pm news that night. It was not planned -- the rundown was empty - and at 5:45 I'm essentially learning that we now HAVE to fill from 6 to 6:30...DOH! It went fine -- luckily the whole reason the game was delayed was due to weather ... so we could use weather to fill ... and I grabbed some stuff out of the five ... and it was clean and went ok. But geez! That's a new one. Anyway, for that, and other reasons, I'm really glad last week is over.

Blech.

2008-08-26T08:44:00.003-05:00

I've been sick for nearly a week and it's getting old. First throat issues ... now just some soreness in the throat, but its all moved to my chest and head. Not really sure how to treat that. Annoying.

So, my head is foggy ... and that explains the lack of blog. Actually "blog" is what my chest feels like ... "blahg."

) :

Back to School

2008-08-19T17:51:00.003-05:00

It's back to school time .. Jack headed off to 3rd grade this morning ...and Kyle (gasp!) hopped on the bus this afternoon for kindergarten. They both returned together on the bus...and seemed just as happy and excited as when they left. Sounds like they had a good day back!

This picture is of them getting off the bus -- Jack grabbed Kyle's hand as they crossed the street. He was really liking being the "big brother" and looking out for Kyle.

They posted some more pics on their blogs (Nick too!) And thus, the school year begins.

I'm Pooped.

2008-08-14T20:19:00.003-05:00

I am so pooped. Exhausted. Kaput.

I've had a work project that had taken FOR - EV - ER...and it has NOTHING to do with news or news gathering. It has eaten a large chunk of my time, shifted my focus, and kept me at work late. (Last night I got home at 1:30AM!!!) It's now done, but I can't even enjoy the relief of that because it wiped me out.

I was off today, and that should have been nice. I had hoped to go get flowers to replant to make the yard (especially in the back) look nice for a family picnic ... but I spent the morning doing laundry, moving stuff before the carpet cleaners got here, and then dealing with a WORK thing. Then it rained.

We had to be at school for meet-the-teacher/curriculum night at 4p. And there went my day. The school stuff was cool -- teachers did their presentations on smartboards with remote controls. Very cool. Very high-tech. You don't even see chalkboards anymore. Whenever I go to these things I am extremely proud of the schools my kids go to...and hell yeah, it's worth it if I'm paying higher taxes than other MO towns ... other MO towns simply don't have (award winning) schools like this. Yeah, it's worth it. Man, we're lucky and blessed and I appreciate what we have.

It's weird when adults know my kids when we walked through the school. They do have a whole other world in school-land, don't they?

Oh, and Kyle's going to kindergarten. Ryan and I BOTH got teary when we saw the little nametag he'd wear his first week on the bus and at school. Don't know what it was about the nametag -- but whatever it was -- it got both of us. Wowza. The kids have already started bugging me about "are you going to cry when the bus comes on the first day AGAIN?" Lovely creatures.

The carpets have been cleaned. Yeah! They're not drying very quickly..so the house is a bit topsy-turvy with everything moved. I think we're gonna try to re-do the basement...perhaps make the back half a scrap/office area!! That would rock. Just trying to wrap my head around how to make it work and look nice. No clutter!

Back to work tomorrow -- then off for four days for the start of school. (Wknd/Mon/Tues) I can't believe summer is on the way out. I could use a little more pool time .... tan time....baseball in the backyard...evenings on the deck with my lit up umbrella....aaaah. Darn the clock and its fast moving hands! Darn it all.

Wow, I think I'm starting to fall asleep while proofreading. I'm pooped.

Vaca Pics

2008-08-07T23:38:00.013-05:00

And yes, I could already use another vacation.

I'm Back

2008-07-29T10:11:00.002-05:00

I'm back ... but pretty busy this week getting back on track ... so I'll probably wait 'til this weekend to post pics from our trip and blog.

Packed and Ready

2008-07-18T02:00:00.002-05:00

It's 1:59 am. We're packed and ready ... but I'm not tired yet. Probably excitement and the adrenaline of a jam-packed day.

Anyone want to guess how many shoes I packed? It's a game my husband and I play. I love shoes. Really, one should be fine w/a good pair of flip flops and perhaps one other pair of sandals for a week at the beach. Nah! So guess.

Alarm's gonna go off at 4:30. 2 1/2 hours from now. That's gonna hurt. See ya later!

NEW POLL! Scroll down..down...down

2008-07-13T20:51:00.001-05:00

Useless

2008-07-13T20:38:00.004-05:00

That's what I will be this week. In fact, I hope there's some big breaking news to force me to stay in the game ... or else I'm going to be drooling at my desk counting the days hours and minutes 'til we hit the road for our vacation.

We spent the wknd doing the monumental task of preparing ... buying stuff to "surprise" the kids with when things get restless in the car ... and getting snacks and preparing other stuff.

I got a mani/pedi .. gotta have bright toenails in the sand! SAND! See...it's all I can think about.

I am actually looking forward to the drive ... just getting AWAY and seeing the country fly by. No restrictions. No "gotta get there by so and so time" -- we're on OUR time. Countless games of 20 questions, I SPY , and baseball trivia (blech!) And yes, countless times to yell "STOP THAT" "BE QUIET" "TURNAROUND" "STOP CRYING."

Which reminds me - today I actually said to one of the boys "You better not be getting blood everywhere." To which Ryan responded "Said Mother of the Year." (Just so you know - he was messing with a 'squito bite - I'm not THAT cruel.) Yeah, countless things like that is what it's all about. (Tell me that when I'm gritting my teeth and preparing to stretch my arm back three rows to grab some kid and toss him out the window. ) Really. Road trips rock.

Some Patriotic Pics

2008-07-05T22:00:00.015-05:00

I am soooo loving that I've been having a GREAT weekend ... and it is only SATURDAY! Whoo hooo! Here are some pics from the 4th ... it was hard to pick just a few...there's lots of good ones -- check out our slideshow on our family website TheGerdings.com. (Oh, you may be wondering who the cute little girl is ... that's our niece, Kate.)

Happy Independence Day!

2008-07-04T22:48:00.004-05:00

I love the Fourth of July. It brings everyone out of their homes ... outside ... to wave to neighbors and enjoy the day. Picnics...swimming...small neighborhood fireworks...and large community displays. Everyone is smiling and enjoying themselves.

We started the day at Lowe's. That's pretty All-American right? We bought some new light fixtures for the house ... which by the way, is pretty patriotic looking now with it's new paint ... "Distance" (Old Blue) ... with "White Duck" (Cream trim) and "Red Bay" on the door. Our new flag ties it altogether ... just in time for the 4th.

Then we spent 3 hours at the pool! We took a picnic lunch there and just relaxed. We've all got some sun now.

Then we went to Ryan's brother's house for a BBQ. Yummy food and fun with family. After that we all headed over to Legacy park for the big show. It was great. All the kids had fun ... and the night was perfect. Perfect temperature, not muggy, no bugs...perfect.

G0d Bless America.

As Long as We're Together

2008-06-28T16:28:00.007-05:00

One year ago today, we were away from screaming kids, laundry, work, and all stress in general. One year ago today we celebrated our 10th anniversary in Jamaica. And it was wonderful.

One year ago today, we had a candlelight dinner on the beach. Doesn't that look fabulous?

ELEVEN years ago today I had the best night of my life -- saying I do -- and celebrating with family at the best wedding I have ever been to. So many people turned out ... and everyone let loose and had fun. I wish there was another event like that that would bring all those people together again. Eleven years ago we had no idea what the future would hold -- but knew as long as we were together, it wouldn't matter. And that is still very true. I've got it good.

2008-06-28T09:52:00.001-05:00

Last day to vote on my poll!

Bunch o' Nothin'

2008-06-28T09:33:00.004-05:00

Woke up to baseball games cancelled this morning because fields are wet. Not really happy because that means make-up games ... which start to push into when we're gone for Hilton Head.

It's supposed to be a beautiful weekend. Funny, last night I stayed late to finish up some administrative work .. and the meteorologist saw me, and I think he was afraid to leave if I was still there. I asked him about the storms -- but I was asking as a "civilian" who was about to drive home .. not a "boss" who was worried about whether he stayed. He kept assuring me the storms were not tornadic. I told him - hey, go home at your own risk! That only unsettled him more. Poor guy. It's kind of hard to get across "hey, I'm just being a person right now - not someone who's gonna get you in trouble." (Because I was trying to get across -- just make a decision; if it's iffy -- you better stay, if not, go ... YOU'RE the meteorologist...it's on you dude!)

That was a random post. I started talking about weather then traveled down a weird road. Like this -- people were actually calling us last night because our weather bug (the thing that shows a map then radar of stormy areas in the corner of your screen) was NOT up. Hello? You WANT it on your screen? Viewers are so weird.

Ok enough weather for pete's sake. Today is my 11th wedding anniversary. This time last year I was probably snoozing on the beach in Jamaica. Man that was a great trip. I think I'll look through pics and enjoy that trip again in my mind.

We're going to the Melting Pot tonight .. late because Jack has baseball at 6pm (unless it gets cancelled too.) We're going to the Royals game tomorrow. Some celebration, eh? Oh well, it's still the weekend. And it will be a short week.

Well, that was a whole lot of nothing, wasn't it?

Busy Week & Wknd

2008-06-22T23:39:00.004-05:00

Jack had baseball camp all last week .. and I went to work out while I was in that area (Legacy Park) .. and it kind of gets things all out of sorts. I need to catch up on cleaning and general "Family-Upkeep."

The weekend was real busy too. Enjoyable. But busy.

I could use a day .. alone .. to catch up and maybe take a nap!

Oh, I tried to have a Coke today. Spilled it! There's some joke in there about premature something-or-other to go along with the previous "food porn" posts....but I won't go there.

Not posting ... but for good reason

2008-06-18T09:53:00.003-05:00

Haven't been posting as much ... but have had a lot going on. Some changes at work have increased my workload - kind of temporarily as we adjust.

And I'm trying to be more healthy -- which means doing active things instead of sitting here on my bum typing.

We're using the Legacy Park Community center now ... the boys enjoy the play room .. and I can go do whatever (swim/walk/workout) without worrying about them ... which has been the big hold back on going there. Yeah! Ryan's been good about going too. Hopefully this can be a new lifestyle...rather than something that flames out.

Oh....and again. I've dropped Coke. Massive headache on day one. Day two I just CRAVED it SOOO bad. I'm not even doing diet or anything -- I need a clean break to really let go. I may treat myself on Saturdays only - and in moderation. Maybe.

Ok ... enough computer time. Time to water flowers and generally keep movin'!~

In Memory: TIM RUSSERT

2008-06-14T00:22:00.004-05:00

As I sit here and watch the coverage of the life and death of newsman Tim Russert, I feel small.

He was journalism with a capital J. I once touted the capital J with pride and righteousness. Not so much anymore. Now it's more about ratings and the bottom line.

I used to follow politics with great interest ... and other "issues" ... but not so much anymore. Much in the way a death reminds folks to hold people closer ... the death of Tim Russert - the "everyman" journalist -- reminds me of the true purpose of journalism. It makes me want to step back and remember from where I came.

"Wise shall be the bearers of light." It's inscribed in the walls of the greatest journalism school in the world. The journalism school where I learned and embraced the ideals. Walter Williams wrote "I believe in the Profession of Journalism" to begin the journalist's creed that I have framed in my home ... but have not looked at in so long.

The man Tim Russert was - as a journalist and dedicated father and son -- set the standard. Now if only all journalists could attempt to work to rise to that standard...and attempt to reach the bar that he set so high. Maybe the general public would finally gain interest .... and there would be shift from info-tainment back to news gathering/reporting.

He's one of the few journalists I did not get to meet. Probably because he worked so hard -- instead of going to conventions. But he had impact.

God Bless Tim Russert.

Our prayers are with his family ... and his news family.

Funny Story / Gross Story

2008-06-11T10:14:00.003-05:00

Let's go funny first.

I can be a really stupid smart person sometimes. Here's an example. We're covering the trial of a man named "Shy Bland." He's the Westport Rapist. (You're thinking, "wait, she said this was gonna be funny?" Hang w/me...we'll get there.) He was the man who gripped Westport in fear for like a year ... and then was finally caught and convicted and sent to prison for 115 years. Well, he now faces like 33 more charges on 11 new rapes connected to him during that time. He will be the most prolific rapist in Jackson County. So -- based on that, it's a very interesting story. We decided at the last minute to put a reporter on the first day of court. (Normally the first day is very boring - but it was a slow news day, we were hurting, and this case is very high profile and the new charges are interesting.)

The reporter gets to the courthouse and after a while sends an email to managers, desk, and producers to say "Bland trial is over. I should have something for 4." I see his email and quickly respond, "This is NOT a bland trial - it is VERY interesting with lots of details. I'm sure you can work your magic and make this a good story." In my head, I'm thinking this reporter is poo-pooing the story, and of course, when I replied to him, I hit "reply all." And to top it off, I went in to the Asst. News Directors office as she was on the phone w/that reporter to make sure she was telling him we were switching what show he'd be in ... and she asked me -- "we're talking about the bland trial right?" And I go "It's not bland - it's a goood story!" She just looked at me funny and continued her conversation.

Fast forward to probably a good 20 minutes later. I'm sitting at my desk. The newsroom is relatively quiet. And it hits me. Out loud I yell; "Oh. My. God. I am SUCH an idiot." And start laughing. The producer next to me goes -- "Wait, wait -- I know what it is...the email right?" And I'm like -- "why didn't anyone say anything??" And they're lauging at me. HELLO. THE MAN'S NAME IS BLAND! IT'S NOT A DESCRIPTION OF HOW COURT WENT.
I am laughing too -- though I feel my face turning red. Derrrrr. Then I remember a desk guy said out loud something like "Bland details - that's funny" after I replied and I didn't realize at the time he thought I was making a joke. Yeah, nothing like being a moron for everyone to see.

Now the Gross Story:

So, I'm sleeping. I'm having a dream that I'm a reporter - a specific one I work with, and I'm in the field and in a live truck (that really looks more like my mini - van) and we're having a discussion about lightning and when it's really safe to go live. Then suddenly, something is burning in my mouth/throat and I'm telling for someone to OPEN THE DOOR OPEN THE DOOR because I guess if the door gets opened, whatever is happening in my throat/mouth will stop. Instead I wake up. And I had started to throw up -- while sleeping. I went to the kitchen -- got some milk to settle my stomach and tried to go back to bed. I had laid down for like 2 seconds and I was up again heading for the kitchen (I don't know why - I think I was still a little delirious). I then proceded to toss my guts out in the kitchen sink .... occasionally turning on the garbage disposal. Which, by the way, is not a bad way to go. It was dark - so I couldn't see - which is good, because sometimes seeing this can make it last longer than it needs to. I could turn on the faucet and try to clean out my mouth and wash my face, and I could send everything down the garbage disposal. Plus, I was much more comfortable standing up. (And heck yeah, I disinfected it the next day.)

But how weird is that? I didn't feel sick at all ... The last thing I had to eat before going to bed was a slice of blueberry pie. It had been sitting out on the counter instead of being refridgerated...and maybe that's it. I didn't feel sick the next morning either. Some friends suggested stress ... but I've never had that happen before and I go through all kinds of various stress. Needless to say the pie has been tossed. And I put it in the trash too. (Ha ha.)

Girlfriends

2008-06-07T15:23:00.004-05:00

It's hard for me to hang out with friends. Hell, it's hard for me to maintain friendships -- period. Just because I lead an oddball lifestyle that doesn't give me normal time to buddy-up. And I'm really not a phone talker. I think I over-did it in high school and college .. and now iddle chit-chat on the phone keeps me from other things.

And because I really don't see the family much -- all of us all together -- during the week, there's always immense guilt about doing something other than giving them every second of my time on the weekends.

This morning I made an effort. I got my hate-to-get-out-of-bed-on-a-weekend ass up early this morning and trekked clear out to the northland. And I mean -- way the heck out there. I kept thinking I musta missed my exit ... but no....it's just THAT far. And when I got there .... I went to a scrap store where scrap friends met up to shop. That in itself is fun .. I had some extra "winnings" left to spend ... and fun people to just be in the same store with.

But then I had to leave. The boys had overlapping baseball games and I needed to get back. Kyle has really noticed lately that he doesn't see me much....so I couldn't stand not to see his game. He always runs up to hit -- and looks out into the crowd for his "fans." And Jack's been getting so confident - - I don't want to miss how much he is improving . Nick's FIRST T-ball game was today...and he was very excited.

But dang. It sucked to leave. They were all gonna walk to a place for lunch ... and just sit and chat .... adults....women. Chatting and laughing, and we always have such a hard time getting everyone together...and I was gonna miss out.

But.

I did the right thing. Kyle got the game ball for hitting two bombs way out in the field -- and got three in the park homeruns. (Technically because he was the last batter each time.) And Jack hit a TRIPLE! And was so happy he threw his hands up on third base and was smiling so big ..... and looking right at me to make sure I saw. Yeah, I was in the right place.

Zzzz

2008-06-07T08:55:00.002-05:00

I hate getting up early on the weekends.

Cheerful morning people are annoying. And my kids are cheerful (or maybe just loud) morning people. I like quiet tones 'til about 10am when I've fully woken up.

Grumpy guss.

Lots going on this weekend. Hopefully there will be some relaxing.

The Poll is Updated

2008-06-04T20:34:00.001-05:00