Quote of the Week

"We Must be Willing to Give Up the Life We Have Planned, So As to Have the Life that is Waiting for Us."
-Joseph Campbell
Week of Aug 12, 2013




Showing posts with label Funny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Funny. Show all posts

Saturday, August 30, 2008

Ok, So it Wasn't a One Day Job

We're calling it a day. We've put everything back into the garage -- and now it's a mess.  But a more organized mess!  And tomorrow, it will be much easier to deal with.  We bought hooks, a new closet thingy, a new toy organizer and such to keep things in place better.  It's already just so much better.  I had like 20 hundred shoe boxes I was "saving" -- which have come in handy for Valentine's Day and other school projects.  I managed to pair that down significantly ... and also parted with a lot of other "junk" I was saving for silly reasons.  So we've got a big ol' trash pile and big ol' donate pile.  

Now - my funny story I mentioned in the previous post:
This man and woman start driving real slow toward our house.  I'm thinking -- they think I'm having a garage sale and are scoping me out.  I start working to make it clear I'm organizing/cleaning.  They slow down more.  I looked at them -- and try again to give the "move on" signals.  Then they STOP .. the man gets out and pulls out his wallet.  The woman gets out and comes around to him and takes money.  She then WALKS TOWARD ME.  I immediately say:  "I am not having a garage sale - just cleaning out."  She goes -- kind of snippy -- "Oh, I know."   Ok - here's the best part:  she's like Indian or Pakistani or something and turns and speaks that language to her husband.  (I point that out only because I prob could have understood Spanish or French.)  Then proceeds to walk down the street.  And I'm thinking:  Lady, you speak any secret language you want... I KNOW you just told him, "I'm going to walk down the street so I don't look like an idiot and pretend like I was going somewhere else." He is like the dumb husband who just follows orders -- gets in the car and slowly follows her as she walks IN THE STREET, down the street -- not even on the side where's there's a sidewalk.  Looking completely out of place.  I sort of roll my eyes and get back to work.  (I mean geez *I* should be the one embarrassed w/all the crap and mess!)  I look down the street, and hubby has stopped.  She walks up to the car - then see's I'm looking - and THEN WAVES OFF THE HUSBAND and walks down the street some more.  Dude the gig is up! Get in the car!  Crazy.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Funny Story / Gross Story

Let's go funny first.

I can be a really stupid smart person sometimes. Here's an example. We're covering the trial of a man named "Shy Bland." He's the Westport Rapist. (You're thinking, "wait, she said this was gonna be funny?" Hang w/me...we'll get there.) He was the man who gripped Westport in fear for like a year ... and then was finally caught and convicted and sent to prison for 115 years. Well, he now faces like 33 more charges on 11 new rapes connected to him during that time. He will be the most prolific rapist in Jackson County. So -- based on that, it's a very interesting story. We decided at the last minute to put a reporter on the first day of court. (Normally the first day is very boring - but it was a slow news day, we were hurting, and this case is very high profile and the new charges are interesting.)

The reporter gets to the courthouse and after a while sends an email to managers, desk, and producers to say "Bland trial is over. I should have something for 4." I see his email and quickly respond, "This is NOT a bland trial - it is VERY interesting with lots of details. I'm sure you can work your magic and make this a good story." In my head, I'm thinking this reporter is poo-pooing the story, and of course, when I replied to him, I hit "reply all." And to top it off, I went in to the Asst. News Directors office as she was on the phone w/that reporter to make sure she was telling him we were switching what show he'd be in ... and she asked me -- "we're talking about the bland trial right?" And I go "It's not bland - it's a goood story!" She just looked at me funny and continued her conversation.

Fast forward to probably a good 20 minutes later. I'm sitting at my desk. The newsroom is relatively quiet. And it hits me. Out loud I yell; "Oh. My. God. I am SUCH an idiot." And start laughing. The producer next to me goes -- "Wait, wait -- I know what it is...the email right?" And I'm like -- "why didn't anyone say anything??" And they're lauging at me. HELLO. THE MAN'S NAME IS BLAND! IT'S NOT A DESCRIPTION OF HOW COURT WENT.
I am laughing too -- though I feel my face turning red. Derrrrr. Then I remember a desk guy said out loud something like "Bland details - that's funny" after I replied and I didn't realize at the time he thought I was making a joke. Yeah, nothing like being a moron for everyone to see.

Now the Gross Story:

So, I'm sleeping. I'm having a dream that I'm a reporter - a specific one I work with, and I'm in the field and in a live truck (that really looks more like my mini - van) and we're having a discussion about lightning and when it's really safe to go live. Then suddenly, something is burning in my mouth/throat and I'm telling for someone to OPEN THE DOOR OPEN THE DOOR because I guess if the door gets opened, whatever is happening in my throat/mouth will stop. Instead I wake up. And I had started to throw up -- while sleeping. I went to the kitchen -- got some milk to settle my stomach and tried to go back to bed. I had laid down for like 2 seconds and I was up again heading for the kitchen (I don't know why - I think I was still a little delirious). I then proceded to toss my guts out in the kitchen sink .... occasionally turning on the garbage disposal. Which, by the way, is not a bad way to go. It was dark - so I couldn't see - which is good, because sometimes seeing this can make it last longer than it needs to. I could turn on the faucet and try to clean out my mouth and wash my face, and I could send everything down the garbage disposal. Plus, I was much more comfortable standing up. (And heck yeah, I disinfected it the next day.)

But how weird is that? I didn't feel sick at all ... The last thing I had to eat before going to bed was a slice of blueberry pie. It had been sitting out on the counter instead of being refridgerated...and maybe that's it. I didn't feel sick the next morning either. Some friends suggested stress ... but I've never had that happen before and I go through all kinds of various stress. Needless to say the pie has been tossed. And I put it in the trash too. (Ha ha.)

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Argh!

I'm sooooo swamped.
But I can take a quick second for a funny:
Today I was putting on brown tights .... and Nick ... my little shadow who is always whereever I am is watching .. and he says:
"Momma, I really like your sock pants."

hahahahahaahahahaaaa......I guess that makes sense!