Quote of the Week

"We Must be Willing to Give Up the Life We Have Planned, So As to Have the Life that is Waiting for Us."
-Joseph Campbell
Week of Aug 12, 2013

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Did he move my cheese? Dreaming Out Loud.

So, I have been having the worst time sleeping lately. The first problem was "brain noise." You know, that spinning spinning spinning your brain does when you're TRYING to settle your brain for a long winter's nap. This happened and that happened and what if this and what if that and if you were in this situation you'd do this and that and that and that. Yeah, it's that crazy and noisy. It doesn't even have to be heavy stuff - it could be; I need to fold laundry, and check school work. Your body is tired. Your soul is tired. But your brain is amped up like it's O-D'd on 5 hour energy.

I actually was in the doctor's office for something else - and asked about it. She gave me something to take. I was so excited at the prospect of actually going to SLEEP. Well, I slept. But not well. This drug took the spinning spinning spinning to a more "Wheel of Fortune" type of spinning - where the life stuff spins once -- then the peg stops it on one topic and begins a vivid, strange, awake-but-asleep style dreaming that is keeping the black circles under my eyes in business.

Take, for example, my dream from last night. A whirlwind of randomness. I don't really remember how it begins -- or ends -- just the wild nonsense in the middle. So much so that it made me want to give a few "real" people the stink-eye (with black circles) this morning.

So here's the deal. First, I was at work. (Current place - to be referred to as "new" throughout.) And I discovered that my desk contents had been moved. Everything on top of my desk, and inside my drawers -- moved to another desk. A co-worker (new) had done it so he could move into my desk in order to be closer to his manager. He didn't think it was a big deal. At first I laughed - but then I was not happy. I talked to him about it, no yelling - just firm, "Hey, I like you. You're great. But WHAT. YOU. DID. WAS. WRONG." I mean - the gravity of his actions were heavy in this dream. So much so that I decided I needed to go to H.R.

But before I could go to her office. I needed to give birth. That's right. It's at this point I realize I am pregnant. With twins. I'm in labor and the doctor determines she is going to break my water and deliver. I tell her over and over, "you break my water - and baby will come with it." Yep - water broken; time to push. It takes like 3 pushes and I have a baby boy. Who in later visions is more like a 6 month old. The other baby boy decides he is not ready to be born yet. In my dream, this is "normal." Sometimes twins come hours, maybe days, apart. So I have one baby in my arms, and now must wait for the other baby to decide to come into the world.

Cut to conversation with Ryan about names for the baby. The names are Benjamin Leroy. (Leroy for his grandpa) and Douglas Robert (Robert for my dad.) There's something we're not agreeing on with the names - but the dream fades into another segment.

I'm pregnant with my 'leftover' baby, and return to work. Oddly slender, but I like it. I have to tell my boss (old job) that I am back at work because I have delivered my other baby, but still have a baby in my belly and need to keep working so I can have my full maternity leave. They are cool with that. (Really?! on so many levels.)

After that conversation I then circle back around to attempting to talk with HR about the violation of my personal space (the stuff moved from my desk). I go to her office -- and she's in there (new job) and so are a couple other people. They seem to be doing non-serious stuff. Laughing, having a good ol' time. One of the people in there is a PTA mom I know. She's joking around and organizing paper work. Oddly enough, it is THIS part of my dream where I pause for a moment and think, "Hm. That's strange." Then I turn my attention back to the HR lady, and try to get across that I really need to talk with her - trying to fully have her see I have a "real" HR issue and it's "serious." She promises to give me a call as soon as she has a moment.

I try to go back to work -- but my (old) boss and the (old) assistant news director want me to see all the "healthy" snacks they have set out for everyone. They want my approval. I think it is strange and am obsessed with my need to talk with HR and give them a shrug, and tell them it looks great. I remember thinking that Cheez-its can't be that healthy.

Cut to me taking a walk around the block -- of the home I grew up in -- and I walk by children setting up some strange and spooky Halloween scenes in their yards. I seem to think this is normal.

Then I end up in the parking lot at work (old job) and the H.R. person is there (new job) - and there's a lot going on and I'm looking at her, like, "Why aren't you talking with me?" And she comes to me and apologizes and tells me, she just couldn't get it together to talk with me because she has Aspergers.

And that's all I remember. How random and crazy is that ?!
Of course, when I come to work, that HR person gets in the elevator with me - and I'm feeling all tingling like -- 'hey, she slighted you.' Standing there all "innocent." Ha ha ha.

So what's it about? The desk stuff, ok, obvious. I like having my "stuff" and my "space." All in certain places. But the poor guy - he's never been anything but nice to me, and has never threatened my space or my stuff.
And the twin boys - also obvious - we know that if I tried to have a girl, that's what I'd get - twin boys. But the random carrying around the "leftover" twin. Bad food? Note to Ryan: no more overcooked jambalaya!

The bits and pieces of that dream were so random and complex I just had to share before all the memories of it faded. Would love to hear your interpretations - real or fun.

Meantime, I'm going to concentrate real hard on a picture of George Clooney all day today to see if I can influence those dream-making-brain synapsis.
A girl can dream, right?

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