Quote of the Week

"We Must be Willing to Give Up the Life We Have Planned, So As to Have the Life that is Waiting for Us."
-Joseph Campbell
Week of Aug 12, 2013

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Funny Story / Gross Story

Let's go funny first.

I can be a really stupid smart person sometimes. Here's an example. We're covering the trial of a man named "Shy Bland." He's the Westport Rapist. (You're thinking, "wait, she said this was gonna be funny?" Hang w/me...we'll get there.) He was the man who gripped Westport in fear for like a year ... and then was finally caught and convicted and sent to prison for 115 years. Well, he now faces like 33 more charges on 11 new rapes connected to him during that time. He will be the most prolific rapist in Jackson County. So -- based on that, it's a very interesting story. We decided at the last minute to put a reporter on the first day of court. (Normally the first day is very boring - but it was a slow news day, we were hurting, and this case is very high profile and the new charges are interesting.)

The reporter gets to the courthouse and after a while sends an email to managers, desk, and producers to say "Bland trial is over. I should have something for 4." I see his email and quickly respond, "This is NOT a bland trial - it is VERY interesting with lots of details. I'm sure you can work your magic and make this a good story." In my head, I'm thinking this reporter is poo-pooing the story, and of course, when I replied to him, I hit "reply all." And to top it off, I went in to the Asst. News Directors office as she was on the phone w/that reporter to make sure she was telling him we were switching what show he'd be in ... and she asked me -- "we're talking about the bland trial right?" And I go "It's not bland - it's a goood story!" She just looked at me funny and continued her conversation.

Fast forward to probably a good 20 minutes later. I'm sitting at my desk. The newsroom is relatively quiet. And it hits me. Out loud I yell; "Oh. My. God. I am SUCH an idiot." And start laughing. The producer next to me goes -- "Wait, wait -- I know what it is...the email right?" And I'm like -- "why didn't anyone say anything??" And they're lauging at me. HELLO. THE MAN'S NAME IS BLAND! IT'S NOT A DESCRIPTION OF HOW COURT WENT.
I am laughing too -- though I feel my face turning red. Derrrrr. Then I remember a desk guy said out loud something like "Bland details - that's funny" after I replied and I didn't realize at the time he thought I was making a joke. Yeah, nothing like being a moron for everyone to see.

Now the Gross Story:

So, I'm sleeping. I'm having a dream that I'm a reporter - a specific one I work with, and I'm in the field and in a live truck (that really looks more like my mini - van) and we're having a discussion about lightning and when it's really safe to go live. Then suddenly, something is burning in my mouth/throat and I'm telling for someone to OPEN THE DOOR OPEN THE DOOR because I guess if the door gets opened, whatever is happening in my throat/mouth will stop. Instead I wake up. And I had started to throw up -- while sleeping. I went to the kitchen -- got some milk to settle my stomach and tried to go back to bed. I had laid down for like 2 seconds and I was up again heading for the kitchen (I don't know why - I think I was still a little delirious). I then proceded to toss my guts out in the kitchen sink .... occasionally turning on the garbage disposal. Which, by the way, is not a bad way to go. It was dark - so I couldn't see - which is good, because sometimes seeing this can make it last longer than it needs to. I could turn on the faucet and try to clean out my mouth and wash my face, and I could send everything down the garbage disposal. Plus, I was much more comfortable standing up. (And heck yeah, I disinfected it the next day.)

But how weird is that? I didn't feel sick at all ... The last thing I had to eat before going to bed was a slice of blueberry pie. It had been sitting out on the counter instead of being refridgerated...and maybe that's it. I didn't feel sick the next morning either. Some friends suggested stress ... but I've never had that happen before and I go through all kinds of various stress. Needless to say the pie has been tossed. And I put it in the trash too. (Ha ha.)


Shawn said...

That is so funny about saying Not bland, hehe something I would do.

Hmm maybe the baby doesn't like blueberry pie???? Are you trying to tell us somethin? :)

KELLY said...

Um, no. Not a chance.

Lisa said...

I've been sitting here for 5 minutes trying to figure out how to be funny and combine the bland and vomitting into one witty comment. But I got nothin'. Glad you're not tossing your cookies anymore :)

KELLY said...

Maybe I should eat more bland food?

Ryan said...

I had a dream that a hamburger was eating ME!

Anonymous said...

Bland story was too funny....actually throwing up in the sink cracks me up too. That happened here in the bathroom once. Two kids sick, one in the toilet, one in the bathroom sink. Darn it....need a disposal on the bathroom sink!

Giant hamburgers eating Ryan! Haha