Today I am experimenting. I am at a 6. But I've decided no more drugs. No more. Ok, I say that now, but I mean unless I am at pain-that-makes-you-cry-8 I'm not doing the drugs.
Today I am doing "normal." We are going to Target. We are going to lunch. We are getting kid haircuts. I can not sit in bed or on a chair in a drugged state anymore. No more.
I want to see what I "really" am. I don't want to go to the doctor Tuesday and say "nothing hurts" because I'm numb from head to toe from these drugs. I want them out of my system so I can truly say - "here is what is going on now." I want to see what happens if I pick up the pace - closer to normal pace. I want to see what happens. I want honesty from my body.
Ryan and I have tickets to a concert tonight. I want to go. He's been hemming and hawing about it -- but I want to go. Concerts have chairs. I will be a chair sitter. I need the distraction and the happy-something-else. He's worried "someone will see me there" and think whatever. Don't care. I walked around with this pain this long, I can do it today. I'm doing it today.
6.
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