Dear Children: Yes, we want you to Lie.

Sometimes I really think I am cast in a sitcom .. a la The Truman Show. What happened Tuesday just re-inforces that. If we're not in a sitcom, we should be.

So, I made this cake (pictured). It was kind of a big deal because we had JUST gotten back from being away for a week, I had to clean the house and throw a big fancy bridal shower...and then do this cake. All while still dealing with this pain thing. (No, I did not pull off this feat alone - my super hero helped me out by doing all the food for the shower. Yep, see post below) I digress.

Anyway, so the school has this cake auction thing where you are supposed to make a cake or cookie that represents a favorite book. The cake is then displayed in the library and the kids vote on their fave w/pennies. Then later that night there's a PTA thing and the cakes go on silent auction.

I really needed to do the cake thing this year, because last year there was this misunderstanding that Jack really wanted me to do a cake, but I didn't think he did, and blah blah blah, kid let down, I promised I'd do a cake this year.

And I thought I had a great idea. I'd make a Chicka-Chicka Boom Boom cake - complete with alphabet falling out of the tree with those hard sugar alphabets you can buy for cakes.

So, I baked Sunday after the shower. Monday morning I decorated. I defied gravity by making a 3D coconut tree. I wasn't in love with how it turned out, but I still liked the concept, and I had done a flinging-flanging cake and the kids could have one and not nag me. Great. We're good. Right? Wrong.

Don't judge me. Seriously, stop right here if you might even think about judging me.
Steal yourself. Ready? Ok...rest of the story:

So, it's Tuesday morning, morning of the "turn the cake in to the library." I'm asleep. Ryan wakes me up with his face right in my face (makes my heart leap - step back for pete's sake!) And he says "There's a problem with the cake." I think, and say, "Oh did the tree fall apart?"
He says, "No. Ants." Huh?

Yes, I had sprinkled the cake with glittery white sugar to help make the "sand" on which the tree would stand. And it brought out ants overnight. Not a million zillion. But enough.

Me: "Did they get on the cake?"
Ryan: "A few. I think I got them all."
Me: "Did the kids see?"
Ryan: "Nick was the one who told me."

Crap. I inspect the cake, and yes there are a few still acting out the "A told B and B told C I'll meet you at the top of the coconut tree." Some are under the cake. I'm doing all I can to get rid of all ant evidence. Because, oh yes, this cake is still going to school. Yes. It IS.

Me: "Let's re-wrap this. It's going."
Ryan: "But the kids will talk."
Me: "We'll talk to them. Help me wrap it. Oh, get that ant right there..."

So we re-wrap the cake. I explain to Ryan that no one is going to want to buy my weird looking coconut tree cake, he's going to be there and can bid on it and we'll buy it. No one is going to buy it. Really - I assume everyone buys their own cake. Seriously. Go with it.

So as I'm getting dressed. Ryan talks to the kids. There's no reason to mention ants. They didn't get on the cake. (Lie.) It will make the cake weird to talk about the ants. (No, really?) So don't talk about the ants. Everyone seems on board.
Then there's Nick.

Nick: "But daddy, what if one of the teachers sees one of the ants?"
Ryan: "They won't. The ants are all gone."
Nick: "But what if they see this one?"
Ryan smashes an ant coming from the cake.

Later I reinforce with Nick...
Me: "We're not talking about the ants, right?"
Nick: "Right."
Me: "Ok, good."
Nick: "I will just say it's a rolling piece of chocolate."

So yes. I DID take the ant cake to school. And I chose not to post about it until after the auction, just in case word gets out -- "Hey, the Gerdings sent a cake w/ants to school! Avoid it at all costs. Freaks. Who would DO that?"

Of course, now I'm sitting here thinking, what if there were still ants, and they attack the other cakes? Like, the big huge "Old MacDonald" barn cake that was like 3 stories high with graham crackers for a roof, complete with a bazillion cupcakes made into animals ... or the huge "Diary of a Wimpy" kid cake with 3D books stacked a foot high. Or the other TWO Chicka Chicka Boom Boom cakes? Honestly, now I'm not feeling that bad about it. Go ahead, judge me. You gotta do what you gotta do.

The kids got their cake, but hell no, they won't eat it too!